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Chris Clark
Chris Clark or more commonly Zarkov is a member of the Mario Kart community. Hailing from Watford, UK he specialises (loosely speaking) in SMK. Not that he much cares, he was once ranked as high as #28 on PAL making him the UKs #3 SMK'er for a shortwhile. Clark works as a baggage handler at Heathrow Airport, which means whenever youre travelling from there, he is poking around your luggage looking for smelly underwear he can sell to his contacts in Japan.
Clark/Zarkov within the community
Clark joined the Mario Kart Message Board in July 2004 initially as a means to find lurid pictures of fellow karters, but was surprised to find he actually liked posting on there. Clark built a reputation as a fine poster with alot of interesting infomation to bestow. Unfortunatley, this reputation was only shared by a select few, and everyone else just thought he was a bit weird. He has amassed over 5000+ posts, most consisting of detailed instructions of how to catch squirrells. Clark is known for his x000th Post Extravaganzas, in which he posts lots of hardcore porn everytime he hits another 1000 posts. Though these are swiftly dealt with by the Nazi like moderators. Amazingly, Clark was once a mod on the MB but relinquished his duties to Joe Bernier, due to Clarks commitments to cure Penev of his terrible affliction of being 'a bit Australian.' (No known cure has yet been found) Clark is still an active poster on the MB, and can also be found idling in the #mariokart IRC room where he and Honko like to talk about men for hours.
Trivia
- Clarks current online nick, Zarkov, is a reference to the doctor from Flash Gordon. Dr Hans Zarkov.
- Clarks animated cannon avatar on the MB is a throwback to his original username , cannonclark.
- He has held 1 UK record in SMK, MC2 flap, which was beaten the day after by Sami.
- Has met many international karters including Joe Bernier, Sami Cetin, Karel van Duijvenboden and Michael Jongerius.
- Lives in a castle.
Clark is a gentleman. An English gentleman. A polite, respectful and gentlemanly gentleman. You rarely see him swear or flame on the boards. All his post are concise and relevant and revered by many as great examples of what a truly great message board poster should be. He could never be described as uncouth in any way.
He is a purveyor of fine art, literature and various styles of dance. He sees lolcats.com as one of the finest places on the interweb showcasing examples of fine art.
He proclaims himself as the Watford Champion of SMK, an achievment not to be scoffed at when you think of all the other world class karters from the utopian town. Infact Clark is such an important figure in his hometown that the vast majority of its inhabitants are rallying for him to be the new mayor.
Probably Clarks most noteworthy contribution to the kart community as a whole was introducing to the masses the passtime of 'masturbating out of a window'. Infact, the passtime got so popular people regularly gathered outside Clarks window to see him perform his party piece of actually hitting a squirrel on the head with his ejaculate. No mean feat indeed.
Clark is also known for his love of helping others, notably the younger generation more familiar with the more modern kart game. He frequently passes on nuggets of wisdom to these whipper snappers who in turn often respond with a message of gratitude and compassion.
In conclusion, Clark is an upstanding, pillar like member of the kart community. Adored by many, worshipped by the rest.
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