Chris Clark

Clark in action

Clark's tactical advisor

Actually Clark

Dr Hans Zarkov

Zarkov, you say?

Chris Clark or more commonly Zarkov is a member of the Mario Kart community. Hailing from Watford, UK, he specialises (loosely speaking) in SMK. Not that he much cares, he was once ranked as high as #28 on PAL making him the UKs #3 SMK'er for a shortwhile. Clark works as a baggage handler at Heathrow Airport, which means whenever youre travelling from there, he is poking around your luggage looking for smelly underwear he can sell to his contacts in Japan.

Clark/Zarkov within the community

Clark joined the Mario Kart Message Board in July 2004 initially as a means to find lurid pictures of fellow karters, but was surprised to find he actually liked posting on there. Clark built a reputation as a fine poster with alot of interesting infomation to bestow. Unfortunatley, this reputation was only shared by a select few, and everyone else just thought he was a bit weird. He has amassed over 5000+ posts, most consisting of detailed instructions of how to catch squirrells. Clark is known for his x000th Post Extravaganzas, in which he posts lots of hardcore porn everytime he hits another 1000 posts. Though these are swiftly dealt with by the Nazi like moderators. Amazingly, Clark was once a mod on the MB but relinquished his duties to Joe Bernier, due to Clarks commitments to cure Penev of his terrible affliction of being 'a bit Australian.' (No known cure has yet been found) Nowdays Clark is still an active poster on the MB, and can also be found idling in the #mariokart IRC room where he and Honko like to talk about men for hours.

Kart Career?

Clark found the SMK players site in 2004. He climbed the ranks like a stoned Spiderman. Slowly. He reached his peak of #28 on PAL sometime in 2007 (guess), and has been largely inactive on time trials since. Since then, most of Clarks SMK activity has come on the GP150 site where he has a few top 10 times. Although relativly retired on SMK, Clark has been an active member of the social SMK scene (lol) since 2006, going to many meets with Team UK, and being one of the first to meet the Dutch SMK'ers when he and Matt McCarthy went to Amsterdam to smo....errrr play video games. Most recently Clark attended the CDM 2009 in France, where he did woefully bad in the overall competition. Due in part to the copius amount of (free) beer he inbibed making him largely useless when it came to actually competing. He was also distracted by Duff in a dress as it gave him a boner.

Other Stuff

When not immersing himself in all things feltching related, Clark likes to play alot of XBOX360 (Gamertag - Dr Hans Zarkov) where he frequently loses at Halo 3 and MW2 and kicks ass at Ridge Racer 6. He also is a big fan of Watford FC, whom he has supported since being a boy. Lastly, his most fond love is of watching Beyonce videos on youtube just so he 'can learn the moves'. He was once briefly the World Champion of Hannah Montana The Movie The Game, but had his title taken off of him by William Lacey.

Trivia

• Clarks current online nick, Zarkov, is a reference to the doctor from Flash Gordon. Dr Hans Zarkov.
• Clarks animated cannon avatar on the MB is a throwback to his original username , cannonclark.
• He has held 1 UK record in SMK, MC2 flap, which was beaten the day after by Sami.
• Is watching you read this right now.
• Clark is 26.
• Slept in Karel van Duijvenbodens sisters bed. (100% true)
• Took the hubcaps off his car to make it look 'Robocop'.
• Created the legendary Clarkbot for the #mariokart irc channel.

External Links

• Clark's SMK profile
• Clark's youtube channel