Kart Gods

The Kart Gods (not to be confused with a "god", or a person who reached god status in 1 of the MKs) are all powerful beings, similar to gods in other religions, who have omnipotent control over everything related to Mario Kart. They are the gods of the religion and philosophy associated with kart.

Powers of the Kart Gods

• They control exactly what prs you get.
• They control how often you PR.
• They control every detail of what happens during the race.
• They control what your kart-mood is and which race you feel like playing.
• They control when each karter decides to switch to a different MK.
• They watch every karter in the world as he's karting.

Praying to the Kart Gods

Like most gods, the Kart Gods like to be prayed to. However, unlike other gods, they're not obsessed with prayer, and they consider it a greater respect to them if you spend more time on actual karting rather than praying to them. All that's required is 5-10 seconds of asking them to help you just before you start karting, and they'll cause you to kart better throughout the karting session. It's possible to be a good karter without praying if they have some other reason to want you to do well, but praying will always improve your chances and make you better than you would have been otherwise.

Rules and guidelines of the Kart Religion

Karters who follow the basic guidelines of the Kart Religion are sent to kart heaven when they die, and karters who perform the evil kart-related sins are sent to kart hell when they die. The guidelines are as follows:

• Take kart seriously and understand that kart is an important part of your life, and that karting more makes you a better person.
• Be competitive. It's not just about whether or not you kart, but also about how good you are at kart.
• Spend a lot of time karting. Never refer to kart as a waste of time.
• At times when you aren't able to kart, be sad.
• Understand that time trials is the most important mode in any MK.
• Do not lie about times or about your identity.
• Do not hide strats.
• Make vids of your best times. The more vids the better.
• Do not hoard times.
• Not required, but you can impress the Kart Gods even more (like extra credit) by creating or running one of the kart sites, being a staff member, or helping the kart community in any way.
• The Kart Gods are fairly forgiving compared to other gods. If you make a mistake and apologize then they'll most likely forgive you. Just make sure you don't make the same mistake again.

Kart Heaven

Kart heaven is a wonderful place that all karters look forward to. Here's what kart heaven is like:

• Every race is a pr race.
• You get to watch the Kart Gods themselves play kart, so you get to see what a perfect race would look like in each track.
• You find out the truth to all kart-related questions.
• No more prb, no more other annoying glitches, no more missed MTs, no more sweaty hands, no more wobbly control sticks, and best of all NO MORE GAB SPLITS (whatever that's supposed to mean)!
• You get to see nude pictures of the hot female Kart Goddess.

Kart Hell

Kart hell is a terrible place that all karters dread. Here's what kart hell is like:

• You're forced to play Moo Moo Farm 24 hours every day, and you never pr.
• In every potential pr race, you hit a mole near the end of lap 3.
• Your hands are always very sweaty, and you have no grip whatsoever on the control stick.
• On the only message board you're allowed to read, every topic is a topic about snaking.

The Kart Goddess

Though there are many Kart Gods, their leader and main representative is the female Kart Goddess. Until recently, she has been disguising herself as being male to avoid drawing more attention to herself, but she has recently revealed that she is in fact a female. The Kart Goddess is the only Kart God who chats with people online. She is also the one who makes all important decisions, such as when someone will become a new world champion. She can be communicated with through AIM or MSN, but she has only unblocks certain people when she feels they are worthy of talking to her, so random karters can't contact her. If there's something you should be talking to her about, then she'll contact you. If you believe in her, then she'll be more likely to contact you. Here is her contact information, so if anyone with any other AIM name or MSN name claims to be a Kart God, it's an imposter.

• AIM: kartgods
• MSN: kartgods_at_hotmail_dot_com

Evidence of the Kart Goddess's power

There have been several cases where the Kart Goddess has caused a karter to improve at a tremendously fast rate, or demonstrated power in some other way.

• When Thomas Bolton was ranked 5th in MKDS, he started praying to the Kart Gods. It took him only 3 days to pass Michael Fried to become world champion.
• When Thomas Bolton quit time trials in MKDS, the Kart Gods were mad at him for betraying them and decided to help Sascha Brauninger. It took Sascha only 3 days to become world champion by closing an incredibly large gap in AF between him and Bolton. However, when Bolton quit he managed to make a deal with the kart gods that involved him not being sentenced to kart hell, which explains why he was able to make a short return later to get a few new world records.
• Shortly before Michael Fried passed Miguel Rodriguez to reclaim his world champion title, the Kart Gods caused Miguel's R button to break, followed by causing Michael to make what was by far his fastest improvement so far in MKDS.
• The Kart Gods helped Troy Ullman get his very strong CM 3lap WR in MK64. Well, I suppose there's no proof of that, but given how superhuman his performance was, surely there must have been some amount of divine intervention, right?

Advantages of the Kart Religion over other religions

• As mentioned earlier, you only need to pray for 5-10 seconds, so it'll save you lots of time comapared to other religions.
• The religion is not corrupt, and no one else gains power by you believing in the Kart Gods.
• Rather than using fear to control what people do, people are supposed to follow the religion because they feel it's the right thing to do. The religion is only meant to help people by guiding them in the right direction in life.
• Kart can solve many of the world's problems. For example, karting brings together many people from all over the world, and encourages tolerance of other types of people. Other religions divide up the world and create hostility between different religions.
• Karting helps promote the idea that you should be competitive and do your best, and also encourages people to be creative and discover new strats, unlike most religions where questioning it or trying to change it is considered a bad thing.
• The Kart Religion is the only religion with a god who chats with people online, which creates a more personal relationship between the god and the followers than in the religions.
• No karter has ever murdered anyone.