View source for User:Ngamer/Wiki Archive/Shdwdde's Top 100 Users on Board 8

'''Shdwdde's Top 100 Users on Board 8''' was a listing that Shdwdee (better known as '''Pianist''' or SenpaiDessus) complied throughout the Summer of 2008.

=== See Also ===

* [[Find out whom SenpaiDessus associates with you and perhaps get an epithet!]]

== The Top 100 ==

'''100: [[ZFStix]]'''

Basically, this guy just blows. He doesn't type in capital letters, his taste is utterly inconsistent, and he's all totally hatin' on good games these days. He closed his original account and thus lost all traces of humanity. All that remains is a shade of ugly.

He's still my favorite source of gaming news and hype - probably why I haven't gotten hyped up or learned anything about the gaming industry in years. Heroic Mario and Tatsumaki Senpuu were epiX accounts, and he's just a really chill guy.

And yeah, he's got his variety of interests. While he does fall into 'augh' phases, he likes his Nintendo, his anime, his House (aww yeah), his American football, his anything. He's just .. slightly more intelligent now and slightly less prominent.

'''99: [[Vlado]]'''

What a fantastic user. I can't count the number of times I've laughed with him. He sticks up for me all the time and prevents drama from escalating. You can't spell 'class' without 'la,' which is also found in 'Vlado.' Coincidence? I think not. He is the voice of objectivity and the defender of justice. He is the seeker of justice and the finder of lost children. And he will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. AND YOU WILL KNOW 

Let's not forget that he is a paradigm of virtue for us all. A devout Christian, he leads us in morals where we have none. While we forsaken with heathenism, violence, and sexual innuendo, Vlado bestows upon us all a compass with which to guide ourselves. Orgastically we can only agree and, while we often put up resistance, we know that he does not, in fact, place us as his first priority. Justice is his first priority, and if the fastest way to justice means through bluntness and hurt feelings, well then Vlado's our Saitou Hajime. 

He trumpets the voices of the weak and the defenseless. He protects us from global warming. He lives in a foreign country. He saves us all from the abomination that are the games he plays. Truly without flaw, Vlado does have his moments of weakness. Loath though I am to admit it, he once purloined a black chick's virginity while passing through India this past summer. But it was a crime of passion, and while it was technically statutory rape, she was very mature for an eight-year-old, and we will not let this be counted as a blight upon the character of Board 8's finest.

'''98: [[Icehawk]]'''

Like ZFStix, Icehawk is here for what he once was and no longer is. He once was a truly powerful voice protesting the reign of sheep. He suffered for us, pretending to enjoy Halo so that we may have better taste. Now he's friendly, likeable, and to be honest, just another one of the them. No longer is he the Voice of Justice prevailing against the all-consuming system of xenophobia and terror. Indeed, he now perpetrates that very stereotype against which so valiantly fought he in the old age. Nonetheless, as a proud user of FireFox and Lipton White Tea, I have not the heart within me to condemn him lower upon this list. Once great tragic heroes, as Macbeth once said, 'gotta get some s'pect for their old time cred, yo.'

And it is with a heavy heart and a coronary bypass that I bestow this the ninety-eighth spot of this list upon Icehawk.

'''97: [[Zachnorn]]'''

Another fantastic user. His overrated topics are the stuff of legend. I never fail to laugh every time I read about how life is overrated or love is overrated or writing overrated topics is overrated. Indeed, each time the same joke is strangled, drowned, and desecrated, the seeming humor of it increases logarithmically. Alas! I cannot say enough good things about this A+++ user. He created a masturbatory site on which everyone, no matter how insignificant, could see emoticons and ill-formed descriptions riddled with the passive voice about themselves.

Ah, what a delight it is! Fortuna smiles upon thee, Zachnorn. The moderators of injustice will forever be held in my contempt for their attempts to subvert your topical excellence. You've done too much for this board to realize that it was pointless now. Alas! I can hardly bear it. Give me a man-hug.

'''96: [[HeroicTronBonne]]'''

I never knew much about HeroicTronBonne, but for some reason I always feel like I knew him in another life. His presence within a topic always makes me quiver, tremble, and grip my beating heart to stay still. Alas, the only reason I have not succumbed to her internet allure is because, apparently, she's biologically male. But that does not prevent my e-yearnings! Oh blasphemous Satan, oh unyielding Gods, why is it such a sin to lust after another of mine own gender? 

The mystery, the drama. The heart-racing tragedy. The myriad of misused words. The monocle. The username. The citizenship. Blessed art thou who can withstand all of this, and with it, a challenger rises high into the honorary Top 100 Users of an unknowing, insecure internet soul.

'''95: [[Shadow_Ryoko]]'''

Ah, the kinship that was once the stuff of legends. While the long-awaited epic retelling of Shakespearean romance is left to be desired, I will now reflect back upon the first time that this lovely 95'er and I met. 

I'd been working in the office for fourteen years (for indeed, I was older than the terms of use on this site provided) when I first ran across, in my internet browsing, a user, of whom the first six letters of the username corresponded exactly to those that I possessed. Never before had I known of anyone using such an edgy, dark, and mysterious name, so my intrigue was naturally stimulated. After within four hours of watching her elegance manifest itself upon my internet abode, I realized that indeed! I. DUG. GIANT. ROBOTS.

Alas, I do not know where this match made in heaven went wrong, but it probably had something to do with the fact that I stopped posting for like eight months. But even then, I knew that somewhere out there was some completely average white chick who happened to post on a video game forum. And that knowledge gave me the strength in the darkest of days, those without Board 8. Oh God! Be still, my beating heart. Oh God! I can't take it anymore.

While she no longer bears the aura of mystery, and while our office affair petered out into predictable routine, she still holds a very special place in my closet. And more importantly, on this list.

'''94: [[Legendary Kapik]]'''

How could I not include this legendary user? Few have ever shown such complete control of the English Language (TM), and honestly, I'm not sure that anyone ever will again. A diehard fan of the most badass man in gaming, Samus, Kapik led us all on the way To Great Justice. One of the things I respect most about Kapik is that he was a completely underappreciated genius. Reminds me of myself. Stinted mental development at an early age led to an influx of intelligence at puberty. I learn something new every day. Yesterday, for example, I learned that SBAllen owned MoogleKupo's sorry ass when he tried to make some sort of petition.

Oh, yeah, and aside from utter mastery of the English Language (TM), Kapik also originated the by-now legendary fad: Nope, unicorns. That fad > thuo

In all honesty, I don't remember Kapik all that well. But everyone loved him, and he loved everyone, and damned if I don't include myself in 'everyone.'

'''93: [[linkhatesganon]]'''

And in the blue corner... hmm, you ever notice how blue is opposite in the color wheel from orange? And yet, the two opposing corners in a boxing match are always blue and red. The color that's opposite of red on a color wheel is actually green. I guess there's some sort of implication that primary colors ought to face off against one another. Like... I guess orange versus blue would be unfair, since orange is an evolved form of red and yellow. Relatedly, though, it's also a ***** to distinguish cool and hot colors. Like, the implication with red and blue is that red is hot and blue is cold, and both are primary colors, making them equal - right? Wrong. When you mix the two it's obvious that purple is a cool color. Meaning that blue douses red. And yellow, for that matter. Yellow is a warm color to my knowledge, but green is cool. By that logic, orange ought to be just about equal to blue. It's like an issue of one Lapras against both a Magmar and an Electabuzz.

Oh, right. Anyway, my point was that linkhatesganon is the direct opposite of Kapik in terms of English. While Kapik is undisputed master of the English Language (TM), linkhatesganon was obviously caught plagiarizing words out of an English dictionary and has been expressly forbidden by former President-turned-humanitarian James 'President Carter' 'Jimmy' Carter from using correctly spelled words. And that was during the Johnson administration.

And yet, he does share one trait in common with such greats as Kapik and Vlado: intelligence. Yes, while his statements often come out with comedic effect - anecdote: linkhatesganon walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. The bartender gives him one. linkhatesganon then complains that he wanted a tall one - they have a profound truth behind them. Ah, 'tis something else to see his benevolent kindness and ego-stroking when he performs fellatio for Elite Hunter, and totally mind-blowing when he throws hissy fits when Vlado does not include him for his Top 15 users.

Most importantly, linkhatesganon holds a very dear position on a certain list of mine. He was the first individual who managed to capture such a spot, and I don't imagine that he'll ever fall out of that list, nor my Top 100.

'''92: [[Eeeevil Overlord]]'''

A user old and British enough to have hair growing out of his ears. But hey, as far as Brits go there are a good deal of pretty decent ones. I can count at least two off the top of my head. Eeeevil and Smurf (oops! Don't wanna spoil any more of the list!) 
Anyway, Bag's a good guy, and I like how it irritates the **** out of him when I call him Bag in the mafia chat. Or at least it did a few weeks ago. He might've gotten over it; maybe I should call him something non-offensive that rhymes with Bag instead.

He's got his upsides - he's extremely cliquey, nice to the point where if feels like cake is clogging up your larynx if you read his posts, and so ugly his mother beat him when he showed up on his mother's doorstep at the age of 17, begging for money because he'd sold her car for beer. And it wasn't even good beer.

So he came to the interweb, where he completely overcompensated for a lifetime of sin and pickpocketing by making internet friends. Specifically British ones and gamer ones. It made him feel like he fit in, because no one could make fun of his pathetic excuse for a British accent (he made Cam Clarke sound good) if he typed rather than spoke. It also made him feel like he fit in, since - and I'm not supposed to tell you guys this - his only exposure to video games was that one time a drunk redhead beat his ass in Halo and stole his wallet. He was hooked, of course.

He can hold a conversation about a variety of topics, including the 1980s. Actually, I'm not sure if he can talk about anything besides that, but as a huge '80s fan and a lover of the pathetic, I can't help but love this guy!!

'''91: [[neonreaper]]'''

can't say I'm a huge fan of never capitalizing anything. but lately I've taken to it more and more. I first started noticing this old fart before the ps3 came out. he seemed to be the only voice of reason that defended the ps3 and talked about how 360 would be legit. he doesn't really take sides, and he's really good at noticing when certain users act like complete idiots. his downside, of course, is that he also notices those instances when said users choose to act mature, and he takes pity on them for their idiocy. while I am extremely forgiving personally, I'd much prefer it if neon were just a complete jackass.

uhh, besides that, he's getting married, which I think is great. he does FRIDAY topiX that don't make any logical sense but which were great fun in which to participate when I worked at my dad's company. neon's an engineer, and while I can't say that I exactly aspire to be postin' on b8 ten years down the line, I can't imagine that living his life would be too bad. he doesn't get worked up about stupid things, only posts if he's going to be either humorously condescending or serious. he's usually a voice of reason that just makes everyone else in the topic look like an idiot. even now, as I'm writing this knowing neon will probably read it, I'm beginning to feel stupid because of how disorganized this entire writeup is. 

but my roommate's being somewhat quiet (despite playing UT - go figure), and he's actually listening to some decent music, and LOST is on in like 5 minutes, so let the good times roll. I'm gonna go watch me some desmond (^5s alec imho) and then it'll be time to pull my pork to the thought of ssbb best game ever

'''90: [[LusterSoldier]]'''

LusterSoldier is one of my favorite users. This is because I like him a lot. More than most of Board 8, but I like 89 users better than him. 

One of the reasons I love Luster is because he feels no shame at all in coming into a dead topic and answering the question posed in the topic title, He holds this commanding air about him that just enunciates in the most unoffensive voice possible, 'I came into this topic and didn't read a thing anyone typed.'

Another reason Luster is so epic is because he once had so many alts and they all got axed. That's just awesome. Seriously. I mean, managing to get OVER 9000 accounts banned at once? That's fantastic. Add that in with his deep knowledge of how the GameFAQs System works, and you've got the most dangerous, edgy sort of rebel: one who obeys the system, but never submits to it. Truly, we live in fear and awe of him. A vigilante, and we don't know when and on whose side he'll strike.

Finally, his personality is just the best thing that I've ever seen on the internet. He's a wonderful flirt, always posting such hilarious messages as 'Wait, Ryoko is SINGLE? Time to dedicate the next two months of my life toward being an attention whore.' and 'I don't think I'm going to play mafia, because I have a rather large appendage in my anal cavity.' And beneath the playful demeanor is a tortured soul who just wants to be popular at school and who has succeeded at being so pathetic that even a normla statement sounds ridiculous coming out of his screen name.

And since I'm approval-seeking, I can't help but be a little jealous of Luster. Can you guys pretend I'm him for a sec?

So I am going to go on a date tonight.



now laugh

'''89: [[Silver_Shot]]'''

Ah, the joyful days of gamer cred. Silver_Shot was probably the first member of this illustrious community to whom I ever talked on the phone. Indeed, it was a joyous moment in the annals of my diminutive memory that I first experienced the force of the sexual innuendo of his username. The mere sight of the words Silver_Shot is enough to generate quivers in the thighs of women, but from firsthand experience - and what a 'first hand' experience it was - to hear the words spoken aloud, to satisfactorily savor the spoken succulence of the altruistic alliteration, to prime the proverbial pump - that is something else altogether.

Not to say that it was entirely illicit. He is a very intellectual child. He's a string theorist with passing interest in quantum mechanics, but the areas upon which we really connected were those that were the least academic - such areas as psychology, sociology, biology, and pure mathematics. It was therefore rather a shock to me when one day, he forgot to use the voice transformer on his phone and I found out that he was an underage user. I'm not sure how old he is now - must be at least twelve. I won't ask him to reveal it to us, and I don't want to serve another year in prison for solicitation of minors and selling drugs, so I haven't talked to him in a long time. Even now, in this deeply personal message, I'm carefully avoiding use of the second person in order to avoid telling him how much I miss him.

Anyway, best of luck in middle school, and stay awesome!

'''88: [[UltimaterializerX]]'''

It was really hard for me to place Ulti. Basically, there are lots of things I love about him - he's got a great shirt, he makes me feel rich and successful in comparison, and he's a constant reminder that anyone, no matter how pathetic, can get a ****load of e-popularity if he pretends to be popular.

But he's got his downsides, too. For one thing, when I looked at his face I laughed so hard I got herpes. Every time I see a post of his, I bleed out of my eyes. He has a terrible marriage and doesn't know just how bad it is.

Not sure if any of you guys remembers Shake's post about Ulti. It was pretty recent. It summed up how I feel about Ulti perfectly. I'm ashamed to say that I didn't archive it, but it had a distinctly positive slant and commended Ulti's greatness on the board.

As a final note, Ulti's done a lot for the board. He's created a cult of personality similar to Joseph Stalin's. He's created cliques whose sole purpose was to seek his attention. He pioneered the noble art of producing alternate accounts to support himself, a practice later adopted by such great successors as durango. And most importantly of all, he stopped posting frequently.

And we can all thank life for that.

'''87: [[Auronthelegend]]'''

I don't think anyone will have any qualms about putting Auronthelegend on this list. Indeed, rarely has the board so unanimously loved a user as the one. Alas that his popularity, well-deserved though it is, is what condemns him to comparatively low elevation on this noble List. Unfortunately for everyone's favorite mentally deficient poster, I have summoned all efforts to obfuscate and make esoteric the higher ranks, so those most appreciated individuals must suffer due to their - and here I must invent a noun the likes of which I hope never to utter nor see again - mainstreamness. 

However, the quality of this writeup shall not be compromised by the relative elevation of this position. I've conducted extensive research on this furry little individual, and to fail to share the resultant findings would be unspeakable folly. Thus I hereby present a brief summary of Auronthelegend's greatest features,

He first came under the proverbial public eye in 2004. His odor attracted scientists and humanitarians alike. He made intensely intelligent posts and demonstrated astounding humility in his abilities as a gamer. Despite having beaten Super Mario RPG in under sixty-eight hours, he insisted that he couldn't beat Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. It was a thinly veiled ploy, of course, to make us all feel better at his expense. But this benevolence did not seem entirely human. Who could possibly be so nice in reality?

It turns out that Auronthelegend is in fact not human, nor indeed of the order primate. Biologically, he is most similar to a tapeworm, chemically most like anal excretions, and physically most like an ideal wire. His oh-so-adorable fetish from the color purple was closely associated with his obsession with Neville Chamberlain. Ah, to be young and seventeen.

And now you're bored of Auronthelegend. Basically he's #87 because he's got a great vocabulary (including such prominent winners as awesome, dude, man), great gaming skills, and great intelligence. Overall a great addition to our board. There are only 80 guys I like better, and that's saying something. It says that there are 6 more girls on this list.

'''86: [[AlecTrevelyan006]]'''

First of all, I'd like to point out that I'm very sorry about having to give the position 86 to such a great user. After all, everyone from position 100 to position 1 is a quality person. 86 as a number just blows. In this context it's supposed to mean that he's a really great guy, but c'mon. I remember that my sophomore English teacher, God forbid, used to give 86s as grades like it was no one's business. Certainly brought down my GPA and prevented me from getting into a better college. Also, his insistence on not reading essays while handing out grades - B--> 86, C- -->86, A--> 86, et cetera, was detrimental to my ability to develop as a writer. It wasn't until eleventh grade when I had a really dorky Harvard graduate English teacher named Jane that I finally began to emerge from my chrysalis as it were. Anyway, an 86 is lower than a B+ but it's waaay too high to be any risk of getting a B-, which sucks. And as a final note, to '86' someone, straight from the American Heritage dictionary, means to 'kick out' or 'reject' someone. I kid you not.

None of this has any remarkable bearing upon Alec's character, of course. And what a character he is. You don't see GoldenEye winning Best Picture or anything, but I'll be damned if I can think of an action movie, spy movie, thriller, anything I liked better than this gem. I'd seen every other James Bond movie out at the time before seeing this one, and it literally blew me away. In the sense that my VCR (aww yeah) exploded while playing it, embedding a chunk of twisted black plastic in my forehead, leaving a dangerous crease upon which I proceeded to ENGRAVE IT UPON YOUR SOUL. Due to the inelasticity of the collision there was significant internal heating, but due to the conservation of momentum I was still knocked off my feet and thrown into the hallway out of my living room. And yet GoldenEye somehow still managed to captivate my prepubescent mind. Part of its appeal was Alec Trevelyan. My first exposure to Sean Bean was finger-lickin' good, and he had some great lines. Plus, not only was he another double-oh agent (as showcased in the James Bond movie whose title you have to censor because after Octo it contains a very rude sexually innuendous word), he was double-oh six. And he survived being dropped around two hundred feet and landing on his back. Beat that.

Er... not that this has anything to do with the user himself who, after considering GoldenEye, seems awfully; disappointing. However! I think he once tried to start intelligent political debate on Board 8, which, while an obviously stupid thing to do, was a noble effort on his part. He's self-deprecating, which is hard to dig. Like, you check out his rap battles, and there are lines such as (actual quote) 

"You wanna piece of me?
Well here, I'll just cut off my left arm for you. 
I'd cut off my right arm, but my left hand's too weak to do the cutting.
Besides, if I cut off my left arm from the shoulder socket it'll make it easier for you to rip out my heart from the side, since my heart's closer to the left side."

Granted, he's come a long way since jobbing to Aeon so easily, but I actually haven't read any of his matches in the tournament, so I'll just pretend he still sucks at those. 

He's got excellent taste in LOST characters. He's chill, and he's capable of finishing a goddamn list (the top ten GoldenEye villains list was Gold, BTW - I didn't post in it because I'm trying to cut down on the number of topics I've got. Right now it's at 25; I'm trying to keep it under 20 but I have like 10 tagged topics and lots of recurring ones like Save My KOF character). He sucks when he plays mafia, but he's great as a host. Oops, didn't mean to foreshadow someone else who's great as a host for mafia.

In conclusion, if 86 were divided by 2, it would be a prime number, and Alec, if divided by 2, would also be a prime guy. He's basically twice the guy you are. And then some.

'''85: [[MoogleKupo141]]'''

Always a sharp one, an older incarnation of me disliked MK141 for his militantly poor taste and run-of-the-mill attempts to be slightly creative or original. Against all logic, he hasn't been banned yet, even though he always seems to me like the type of dude who would get banned every now and then. And that's something I can respect.

Maybe it's a sign of how my standards have dropped dramatically, or maybe it's because people who share my taste tend to be blithering idiots, but these days, I actually like this fellow quite a lot. Don't think too much of his intelligence, but compared to such intellectual giants as Nick_Kazama and SwordSaint###, I'll take Moogle's mini-mind any day.

Mario and Sonic at the Olympics Fanfiction is/was gold. Not sure if it's still around, but when I saw that topic I couldn't stop drooling. The description of the cannibalistic Santa was particularly delectable. The depth of character added to Luigi was astounding, too. The work as a whole was at times too over-the-top and at times too stupid, but as a whole it marked a distinctly well-intentioned and relatively competent attempt at improving the board. SaLUEte, mate.

'''84: [[starcow]]'''

starcow is one of those users that are so great you really don't have to say anything about them to make a great writeup. Some people are stupid enough to try to give them writeups anyway.

Not me.

'''83: [[Drakeryn]]'''

Drakeryn murders the nurse who brings him his baby, but fatherly instinct, not bloodlust, motivates his killing. His initial response to the appearance of his baby indicates defensiveness and pride. The nurse characterizes his son as “A joyless, dismal, black, and sorrowful issue! / Here is the babe, as loathsome as a toad / Amongst the fair-faced breeders of our clime. / The empress sends it thee, thy stamp, thy seal, / And bids thee christen it with they dagger’s point” (4.2.66-70). Drakeryn responds, “Zounds, ye whore! is black so base a hue? / Sweet blowse, you are a beauteous blossom, sure” (4.2.71-72). Drakeryn’s defensiveness rises to a righteous level. Upon hearing the nurse’s distaste for his skin color, Drakeryn questions her judgment of black being “so base a hue.” He proceeds to go beyond defense and proclaims the superiority of blackness. He claims that blackness “is better than another hue… For all the water in the ocean / Can never turn the swan’s black legs to white / Although she lave them hourly in the flood” (4.2.99-103). The pride Drakeryn takes in his identity is the first sign of passion he has thus far displayed. His defensiveness rises even higher when he speaks of his son. “Sooner this sword shall plow thy bowels up. / Stay, murderous villains! will you kill your brother? … He dies upon my scimitar’s sharp point / That touches this my first-born son and heir!” (4.2.88-92). The fervor with which Drakeryn challenges anyone to attack his son directly contrasts his relative apathy and detachedness seen in Act III. In particular, Drakeryn actually accuses people of being “murderous villains” when he perceives them as a threat to his son. In Act III, Drakeryn gleefully claims, “O, how this villainy / Doth fat me with the very thoughts of it! / Let fools do good, and fair men call for grace, / Drakeryn will have his soul black like his face” (3.1.204-05). However, while in Act III, Drakeryn schemes and revels in his own progression of villain, in Act IV, he does not notice the irony in his own statement. Discovering that he has a son changes Drakeryn’s priorities. His desire for chaos transforms at least momentarily into compassion for his son. Slaying the nurse, to Drakeryn, is “a deed of policy! / Shall she live to betray this guilt of ours, / A long-tongued babbling gossip? no lords no” (4.2.149-51). The action prevents what Drakeryn considers a “betrayal.” Again, by emphasizing that he fights this negative idea, Drakeryn’s motivations suggest his desire to protect his race motivates him more than an arbitrary desire for destruction. Even when Drakeryn is a captive, he maintains his outwardly evil image with race at heart.

'''82: [[TVontheRadio]]'''

TV is unique in the sense that he's the only user with whom I've done crystal meth while playing Uniracers and being annointed with olive oil by Greek chicks with Russian accents. He's also the only guy who's ever set me up with an internet date with another girl on Board 8. Slightly ugly and a bit too Romanian, but he knows his Keystone Lite and his Jack Daniel's. Basically, he taught me everything I know.

In general, TV's a pretty indisposable guy to Board 8. He runs such topics as "Contest Stats and Discussion," "Rate the anime/manga character," and "Flight of the Bumblebee." His sense of humor is remarkable, able to find the light in even the gravest of situations. For example, when I found out I had cervical cancer, TV asked for PICS NOW. I laughed so hard my appendix burst, and then in the process of surgery, I found out that I was biologically male. Saved my life.

These days, I don't see too much of TV. I mostly listen to him on my local AM stations when I'm driving my Kia or when I'm breakdancing in my closet. But I can't forget all those times that we hit up those Athenian marketplaces, nor the good times we had under my roommate's bed doing crosswords at 4 a.m. under the influence of the Discworld series and gateway drugs. We ended up with only six vowels in two hundred squares. And we won that one AIM mafia game by being simultanteously so blatantly obvious that the town couldn't decide which of us to lynch, resulting in us owning the town. Good times.

'''81: [[raytan7585]]'''

:) ^_^ =) xD ffvi =O schoolrumble ^.^ kawaii haruhi >.> 

He was the most feminine person I'd ever seen online, barring Mumei, until I met his sister. He's also the type of user who I see all the time in whose threads I never post. On the RTA board, there would literally be two types of topics: those in which he posted and those in which I posted. So basically we're like two sides of the board; we're like two sides of duct tape; we're like two sides of the same coin; we're like two sides of a triangle; we're like two sides of parsley. We're good and evil, heaven and hell, right-handed and left-handed, capitalist and communist, Chinese and Malaysian, male and female, Samuel L. Jackson and Haydn Christensen, Fatal Fury and Mortal Kombat, tasteful and tasteless, .hedgehogs and porcupines.

Basically, without him, I could not exist. We are eternal rivals, and together we form the very foundations on which Board 8 is built. Should either ever weaken, the whole damned thing would fall down. A logical observer might note that this would mean that we ought to cooperate and not maintain our bitter rivalry. He might note that if either of us ever truly gained the upper hand, he would literally undo himself. He might note that this renders our epic battles entirely meaningless. Well my reasoning - and I'm sure that this is the only opinion I hold on which raytan might agree - is that said logical observer can go suck it.

'''81: [[MayaFeyManiac]]'''

Ah, MayaFeyManiac. A girl after my own heart. One of my favorite aspects of MayaFeyManiac was how obviously female he was from the very beginning. It's amazing how many people still don't believe that he is a girl.

MayaFeyManiac's original account, Lady Miaow, attracted lots of detractors. I guess this was understandable, because to be fair, he did lie about being lesbian and having a huge rack. While in actuality he fulfilled neither of those criterion - criterion that my fellow denizens might deem necessary for actual females - he did exhibit some actual female characteristics even then. Notably, his username was Lady Miaow, which was an obvious sign that he was female.

His next account was a poor attempt to convince users that he was male. This was an obvious lie, but he did make an account called GenuineFemalePoster. The irony of the situation was that this account did succeed in convincing everyone that he was male. Weird how people's minds work like that, y'know? Meet a girl who admits he's a girl, and of course everyone thinks he's a guy! 

And really, is it so hard to believe that he's a girl? He's certainly not very intelligent. He sympathizes with the stupid and frolics among them, as evidenced by his readiness to identify with durango. He's in an indisputably flirtatious relationship with TurnTurnTurn (oops list spoilers), who's quite obviously a straight male who would never hit on another male. He loves Maya Fey to the point where the obsession is 'maniacal' - notably, he does not use the word 'stalker,' a word which has male connotations. It's the same way that I'm a maniac about House, really. Like, House is great, but it's not like I actually want to have sex with Hugh Laurie in spite of his bright blue eyes, his hunched by powerful frame, his lush, rotten legs, his expertly veiled British accent (imagine what that tongue can do), his stunning intellect, his masterfully delicate fingers (if he can play Beethoven with two fingers, imagine what he can do with his whole hands...), his devastating arched eyebrows, and his testosterone-charged limp. No, I love House in a purely professional, brotherly, manly, heterosexual way. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

And I'd describe myself as a House maniac (username pending), and House is male, and I'm male. By extension, since MayaFeyManiac is a MayaFeyManiac, and Maya Fey is female, then obviously he's female, too. I don't see why that's so hard for you guys to grasp. Just because his username is no longer Lady Miaow doesn't give you the right to stop hitting on him. And just because he's missing a third of his cerebellum doesn't give you guys the right to make fun of him.

'''80: [[ChaosTonyV4]]'''

[This writeup was deleted at the request of the original poster]

'''79: [[CrazyAznChick]]'''

And on the opposite side of the spectrum, we have the most obviously male poster on the board. He regularly makes topics that degrade women. The other day he was talking about how his family was making a fortune off his grandmother's death. Then he also had that topic about how American men ought to be allowed to beat their wives.

Now, he has never actually posted this specifically, but I can imagine his thought process throughout this. "Yes! That ****ing hag finally died! It's a good thing it was a girl. I actually like my grandpa. And my father. But my mom can ****ing bite the dust, too. I just hope we make a killing off of her, too. ****, no triple-entendre intended. Why the **** does that only happen when I'm not actually trying to make them? It takes me like seventy-six hours of meditation to think of one when I'm actually trying to be clever... Anyway, time to brag about it on the interweb!"

Or how about, "****, my boyfriend's beating the **** out of me. But I'm not a woman, so I can't ****ing sue him for money. I'd kill him, but that would be too womanly. No, I'm going to do the manly thing and ***** about it on the interweb. Oh, but I can't make it too obvious that I'm getting the **** beaten out of me. How about I try to troll, using my obviously male joke account, and make a facetious-sounding, misogynistic topic that'll mask my insecurity? Yes, that's the ticket. To the interwebs, Batman! Oh ****, here he comes again, better close the straight porn site." 

Truly, the above sentiments of chauvinism are of such nobility in which I am so utterly incapable of finding fault that I have no choice but to place this obviously male user over everyone's favorite obviously female user.

'''78: [[Shaggy_Heru]]'''

A lot of things started happening to me when I was twelve. I failed to read Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream - my first time ever not completing a school-ordained assignment. My pants started to itch a lot more. I got taller and my voice became awkward (still is). Most importantly of all I joined GameFAQs, a move that would influence the next eighteen months of my life (THIRTEEN AND A HALF NOW, MODS, SO BITE IT).

One of the first people I met on Board 8 was, of course, Shaggy_Heru. At first it was kinda awkward between me and Shaggy. I'd see him post stuff like:

its nice living in one of the least exciting cities in the country

oh wait

I wasn't sure why anyone liked him. Hell, I still don't know why people like him, but I guess he does hang out with all the people no one likes in that transsexual's topic. He talks about music a lot. This occurred to me just now, since my roommate just walked in and started playing absolutely abysmal ****. The music he discusses is generally the type that I - and here I use the medical expression - tune out. It has unmemorable melodies, and the lyrics are stupid, and I don't like the voices of the singers. But by God, it's better than some of the **** my roommate puts on.

Anyway, I like Shaggy better these days. I hated watching him on Scooby-Doo as a child and I still refuse to watch that show because of Velma's glasses. But one of these days Shaggy might butter me up so much I actually go back to that cartoon. As long as he keeps saying hilarious, endearing stuff like:

wtf top twp neighbors at last.fm:

transience then giggs

Yeah! That's the spirit!

Anyway, GameFAQs might just be a phase. When I turn 14 I'm sure I'll have forgotten all about most of Board 8, but I'll definitely remember the person whose poor musical taste surpassed that of my roommate. augh

'''76: [[mr wednesday]]'''

I have conflicted feelings about mr wednesday. On the one hand, he's older, and I like to assume that he's wiser and more experienced than I am. On the other hand, everything that he's actually ever said contradicts this. He's got a son and is still a liberal, which really bugs me, because I, too, am a liberal at heart. I just refuse to admit it most of the time because frankly, as mr wednesday demonstrates, most liberals are idiots. The other day, one of them told me to stop driving my mom's minivan across town because it was about as good for the environment as Marlon Brando naked. I asked him his name, and in a dark brown voice he said, 'mr wednesday m-r-w-e-d-n-e-s-d-a-y mr wednesday.' 

Intending to give him a scare, I accidentally crushed his right foot under the left rear wheel of the '89 beast, spat on him, and started a forest fire. Then I calmly explained to him that insurance rates, as far as I was concerned, were more important than the environment. And let's face it, for a spoiled rich kid, I know my insurance rates. 20-year-old minivan running 6.8 mpg as secondary driver? Considerably cheaper than the '07 Mercedes that was my other option. 

The ensuing chase lasted upward of half an hour. Me in my mom's deteriorating suburban soccer mom vehicle with mr wednesday and his crippled right leg in hot pursuit. Eventually he was pulled over for speeding and beaten to death by a police officer for being black. Ironic, because he's actually Middle Eastern, but the dirt kicked up by my pimpmobile made him look black. Then the minivan, much like this writeup, ran out of gas and exploded.

'''75: [[HanOfTheNekos]]'''

I kept intending to put Han somewhere on this list, but it never occurred to me to follow through with it, and now suddenly he's way higher than I intended him to be. Like, he's a great guy for a 14-year-old and all, but top 75? Above Vlado and Ryoko? Come on. No offense to Han, but compared to the rest of the people around this position - and here I quote some person who doesn't matter - he ****ing sucks.

Really, though. He's above mr wednesday, but he doesn't deal pot, and he's not technically part of the labor force and therefore does not count toward our unemployment rate. He's above Shaggy. Shaggy's annoying, especially his voice, but Han is just starting puberty, so his voice is by default just as bad. Plus he isn't as shaggy. He's above MayaFeyManiac, and well, let's be honest - Han has no business being above a legitimately female user here.

So where does that leave him? Well, he should've been around 87 or so. Can't remember why he got displaced, but it might've been due to Ulti's being large enough for five slots. But yeah, definitely no excuse for being higher than starcow, into whose character I will not go at the moment, nor above Alec, who surpassed Han at both hosting mafia games and sucking while playing them. And that username, capitalizing a preposition and an article? Pul-leez.

Don't get me wrong, Han, you've got a lot of potential, especially once you get to high school. But for now, you really don't belong this high. Nor anywhere near this list, come to think of it.

'''74: [[__Smurf__]]'''

Pardon me if I inserted the wrong number of underscores here. I'm sorry. I really am. Smurf's one of my favorite British users. 

One of my favorite things about Smurf is all the excitement and negative attention he brings to the board. I believe that the specific expression he coined was "internet drama." Lesser users have repeatedly mocked the phrase and have attempted to stir up their own, but no one can pretend to care about these utterly trivial points as convincingly as Smurf. He can write long diatribes about the state of the board in utter jest but, in so doing, incense the rest of the board. He can produce evidence that an obviously male user was male, resulting in "what the hell"s around the board and outbursts of genuine tears. 

He is the bone of this board. Emoticons are his body, e-popularity is his blood. He has lost over one thousand alts, unknown to any sort of humility or grammar. He has withstood many hits on his e-credibility to create many scenarios better found on daytime television. Yet his hands will never hit Alt+F4 on the browser on which he is viewing GameFAQs lest the board forget about his skeletal role in it.

In other words, he's like Shake, except he's British, lacks writing ability, and hosts useless - er, user - contests. Basically a model citizen.

'''73: [[_Kuge_]]'''

_Kuge_, also known as the User Formerly Known As XxEgukxX, is a user whose life seems to be, in layman's words, "lame." I'm not gonna mince words and I'm just gonna strike right to the heart of the matter. _Kuge_ is probably the wo--

FEDERAL GOVERNMENT NOTICE: THIS PART OF THE WRITEUP HAS BEEN CENSORED FOR EXHIBITING RACISM AGAINST THE ONLY HISPANIC USER ON THE LIST. CONSIDERABLE LAWSUITS HAVE BEEN FILED. THE SENTENCE HAS BEEN SUITABLY ALTERED FOR PUBLIC VIEWING

--manizer of the board! Oh, yes, with his oh-so-voluptuous cousin and aunt on arm, just reading for the b--

FEDERAL GOVERNMENT NOTICE: THIS PART OF THE WRITEUP HAS BEEN CENSORED FOR EXHIBITING RACISM AGAINST THE ONLY HISPANIC USER ON THE LIST. CONSIDERABLE LAWSUITS HAVE BEEN FILED. THE SENTENCE HAS BEEN SUITABLY ALTERED FOR PUBLIC VIEWING.

--ringing to parties, where they can act as wingmen during pickups. Haha! That's just like _Kuge_, needing women to help him pick --

FEDERAL GOVERNMENT NOTICE: THIS PART OF THE WRITEUP HAS BEEN CENSORED FOR EXHIBITING RACISM AGAINST THE ONLY HISPANIC USER ON THE LIST. CONSIDERABLE LAWSUITS HAVE BEEN FILED. THE SENTENCE HAS BEEN SUITABLY ALTERED FOR PUBLIC VIEWING.

-- out suitable clothes for his hot dates, which are definitely not with his cousin and aunt, who are definitely not hot --

FEDERAL GOVERNMENT NOTICE: THEY ARE

-- and he definitely does not have low intelligence, even though his 1500-word essay probably suc--

FEDERAL GOVERNMENT NOTICE: THIS PART OF THE WRITEUP HAS BEEN CENSORED FOR EXHIBITING RACISM AGAINST THE ONLY HISPANIC USER ON THE LIST. CONSIDERABLE LAWSUITS HAVE BEEN FILED. THE SENTENCE HAS BEEN SUITABLY ALTERED FOR PUBLIC VIEWING.

--ceeded brilliantly. _Kuge_ is truly an exceptional user, and clearly one with a lot of legal power, in the form of people he bought out in the federal government using poker money. At least that's how he claimed to have obtain it, though sources say he was really assisting in drugs smuggling and pros--

FEDERAL GOVERNMENT NOTICE: THAT'S ALL, FOLKS! LET'S GIVE A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR _KUGE_ AND OUR WRITER, PIANIST!

--ecuting persecuted writers for insinuations against his race.

'''72: [[Wiikku]]'''

Wiikku is actually only on this list so that I can say ashe > wiikku in a public setting with no factual basis whatsoever. However, his blatant insecurities allow this to permeate his mind and slowly rot his decaying heart. So far I've hit him thus unexpectedly in two topics. The first time, I caught him with a wiik heart and immediately penetrated his brain to the part controlling his left pinky and ring fingers. Not sure what effect the second time will have. Hopefully major neurological damage, possibly Lupus. Then he'll show up on House, Foreman will suggest Lupus, and House will reject it until the end, possibly in a closeup shot such as We've got four men... how can four men not get it...? ... wait...*CLOSEUP how can "Foreman" not get it..!? Meanwhile, the cast will make fun of him for basing his internet username on a terrible video game character who's fifteen years old and wears clothing more suitable for - for instance - a pineapple.

They'll then save Wiikku, who will regain full use of his limbs, but who will always have that seed of doubt planted in his mind. Oh trust me - I know.

'''71: [[Procrastinater]]'''

Procrastinater is a love-hate guy. Like, I love him, because his username totally captures me, and I'm a major narcissist. On the other hand, he ****ing misspelled it. Even Firefox knows, and Firefox thinks that "Firefox" is a legit word in the English dictionary. Augh. So love-hate there.

I don't really notice him most of the time. Whenever I do notice him, I realise that I should have ignored him. So love-hate there.

His username is the same as that of this girl I knew in high school. Didn't particularly like her, but I liked high school. However, his alt reminds me of Zachnorn. So love-hate there.

He always feeds my ego by posting in my attention-whoring topics. But he only posts once and has nothing constructive to say, making the ego-stroking extremely front-loaded, cheapening the overall effect. It's like a stripper who hooks up with you once and then tells you she's taken. So love-hate there.

'''70: [[Iamdead7]]'''

I remember someone once made a tourney of Iamdead classiX. I've taken the time to compile some to show why he's such a great user.

"Can't Escape!" is the most annoying thing about Pokemon games. Ever.
Does China want to fight or something?
I seriously hope Chavez decides to invade Colombia
Did you ever go to State for anything while in High School?
Well, I don't regret buying Diamond and Apollo Justice
I bet China suffers a mega AIDS epidemic in the next 15 years
I can't decide which is worse, Reptilia or Bulls on Parade?
Did anyone watch Michigan State's total beatdown of Indiana earlier?
argggg. Why is Knights of Cydonia so ****ing hard on Hard?
Aw yeah
Why are Eli and Peyton at the UNC/Duke game?
Rate this musical opinion
Thanks for not failing Wyoming!
God hates me
Obama is going to thrash Hillary in Mississippi
I can't get over how awesome the First Suite in E Flat is.
I have just come into possession of a thoroughly useless laptop
Chavez gets to live
I'm here to inform you that Audiosurf is the best thing ever
ATTN: Anyone who is in Revenus' Diplo game (or anyone else who plays Diplomacy)
I Am Legend on DVD tuesday
Brawl is so damn awesome
My perfect win record! Ruined!
Finally beat Freebird on hard
North Carolina, Wisconsin, Texas and UCLA will be the Final Four

I think the list speaks for itself.

'''69: [[MrSmartGuy]]'''

Ah, the coveted 69 spot. I really like the number 69, for a variety of reasons. Its prime factorization boils into 3 and 23, for one thing, which is extremely aesthetically pleasing. It's also solidly below the C+ range in high school grading, and let's be serious: there aren't many grades more badass than a D+. Not just a D, but a D+. It used to make me laugh when I was in fifth grade. Not sure why; I just always figured that it was dirty, and my white friends in elementary school told me it was a position where a guy and a girl "spooned." As a result, whenever a teacher told us to pick a number, we'd always pick 69, giggling uncontrollably. It was kinda like an inside joke, except that no one actually got it. I remember that I used to go see my counselor every week because my teacher in fourth grade thought I was mentally deficient or something, and the counselor had me and this other kid run exercises. One of them was picking questions to answer from a discussion book. When he asked me to pick a number, my face contorted with laughter when I picked 69. Similarly, the other kid turned extremely red and, in a moment of ingenuity, picked 169. Due to my extremely poor self-restraint capabilities, I wound up getting a hernia, falling out of the seat, and breaking my arm. My eyes were full of tears at the hospital, but they were from laughter. I preferred them to think I was crying, though. I'm not sure if my counselor ever explained the situation to anyone, but the other kid wound up expelled from school, and a few days after I got out of the hospital, my mom told me that my counselor had said that I was 'exceptionally bright' and would no longer need subsequent counseling sessions. Talk about a ****ed up childhood. Anyway, now I know why the number 69 is amusing as well as why it has sexual connotations. I'm also not sure why it's funny. But people on Board 8 still seem to think it's funny. I'll never understand white people.

I've always liked MrSmartGuy, ever since I decided to put him on this list. And to make this transition smoother, he's also white. So while I don't understand him, I do like him, which is why I decided to put him on the list. He's always seemed like one of those types I never knew but would like to have on my list. Like KleenixTissue50, Drakeryn, the icon ownz all, metroid composite, TheKnightOfNee, et cetera. The type of people that basically never struck me as remotely interesting or intelligent or irritated the **** out of me on various occasions, but that I saw on lots of other people's lists. So I decided to figure out what was so great about having them on your lists. And let me tell you, it feels great. Not as great as breaking my arm laughing about some problematic fifth grader's joke, but at least as good as the actual 69 position.

'''68: [[KommunistKoala]]'''

BJ Novak visited my school today. BJ ****ing Novak. And the most epic part of it was, he referenced Bill Nye at the end of his speech - who visited my school on Wednesday. Weeks like these make me feel like I'm getting my $50K/year's worth. I mention this in part because I want to brag, and in part because I'm shamelessly stealing a joke from his standup act.

KommunistKoala is, indubitably, the smartest user on the board. Why? Because he's a KommunistKoala, and he won at mafia as mafia cow, and, in his own words, "if that doesn't prove how smart I am, I don't know what does." 

Anyway, at this point in the writeup, KommunistKoala went missing, so I decided to consult a character in BJ Novak's new novel, Wikipedia Brown, for assistance.

"Wikipedia," I asked, "Where is KommunistKoala?"

"KommunistKoala," he replied, "is found in coastal regions of eastern and southern Australia, from near Adelaide to the southern part of Cape York Peninsula. Populations also extend for considerable distances inland in regions with enough moisture to support suitable woodlands. The KommunistKoalas of South Australia were largely exterminated during the early part of the 20th century, but the state has since been repopulated with Victorian stock. The KommunistKoala is not found in Tasmania or Western Australia."

"Oh. But, uh, who kidnapped him?"

"Also, KommunistKoala sucks. [Citation needed]"

"Oh," I said, and stopped talking about myself in the past tense. 

KommunistKoala reminds me of an eggplant, which is a fairly ugly vegetable with a helluva weird flavor. Also, I just used the expression 'helluva,' and for some reason Firefox didn't underline it. ****ing hell. What is happening to America.

'''67: [[Heroic Palmer]]'''

Heroic Palmer surprised me by placing low on this list. I would have had him really high, but upon seeing his victory in Board 8's Top 100 Users, I decided that moving him down sixty-six spots from his actual position would give me some "indie cred." I've been pursuing this mysterious beast for a longass time, and I think that this low placement of Heroic Palmer will definitely help.

Heroic Palmer is great because, like ExTha, Steiner, Chris, and so many others, he got popular for no apparent reason whatsoever. A few months ago he was nothing but another black guy. Next thing you know, I'm seeing 80 topics that say, "Palmer loan me 60 bucks." And in the words of KommunistKoala, "if that doesn't make me smart, I don't know what does."

Another great thing about Heroic Palmer is that I've seen him post a lot but am not really sure about what the hell he does. I think he likes Final Fantasy VI, and I know he posts from public computers a lot, and I hear he's 6'6" and 250 pounds, and he is very nice to people who like him. I would personally never be nice to anyone who liked me, but I find it an admirable trait in Heroic Palmer.

Like I said, Heroic Palmer was totally off the radar for me until he randomly started having 2552 active posts, and then I started seeing people say "HI PALMER" in every topic in which I posted. It started to get annoying and never stopped. But if Heroic Palmer were to be given a position it would have to be a low one, and there's no way that I wouldn't have Heroic Palmer on my list. I have no idea where I'm going with this.

**** I'm thirsty but I don't want to abandon my stuff here while I get a drink.

'''66: [[transience]]'''

Well unfortunately, the choice came down between abandoning tranny's writeup for a drink and dying of hydration. I picked abandoning the writeup. Sorry!

'''65: Pleinair'''

I liked Pleinair a lot better when I only saw the topics it bumped ruthlessly. I've heard numerous accounts of the RAGE people consummately feel whenever they see a Pleinair topic and of the imminent threat, "I've never ignored anyone, but Pleinair is close." To me, this has always been understandable. Some people simply are incapable of enjoying great topics at 2 a.m. That makes sense. My taste usually sucks around then, too. I think I once said "^5s ashe" at around that time of the morning. So I can excuse people's taste sucking at "Pleinair Bump Hour."

But Pleinair does an important service to the board. It is completely androgynous, like many users on the board, but rather than the default "no girls on the internet" assumption that is applied to most users, Pleinair has been seemingly lauded with the inexplicable label of "female." Well shiver me timbers and hang me from a tree in a way that subverts all racist jokes, because that in itself is exceptional.

Anyway, I always liked Pleinair up until it started posting in other topics that weren't its own. Sad to say, Pleinair doesn't have a lot of personality when it "contributes" to other people's topics. It's always hilarious when it keeps my post alive for six months in one of its own topics, but its humor just doesn't translate that well into others'. Well, none of us is perfect, not even Pleinair. 

So like I was saying, I got up to get a drink and came back for this writeup, but thinking about Pleinair has made me thirsty. Now I'm at another moral quandary. 

Also, I'd like to place a $60 bet with Palmer that Pleinair will respond to this post.

'''64: [[Ed Bellis]]'''

Ed Bellis is a Nice Guy who Got Some Attitude. That said, I don't really like the fellow anymore, but I'm pretty sure I used to.

So I used to frequent the Pokemon Gold/Silver boards. By the time I got there, actually, most of the "stars" were starting to fade away. Usernames I can still kinda recite. Haste2, Cloud9x, Denny, DarthSidious, Nin10d0h, Druid, Koudelka, Sir Chris, Nitro2000. People I never really got to know that well. So I fell into another sort of "clique" with users whose names began with "s." I remember someone called Stupid fool and switch01. People who'd been around a long time but never got legendary. Names to that effect. They eventually left, too. I became one of the oldest people on the board. But new names appeared like dmendez64, GoldenTyranitar, ChickMaster, Flame060, and Uriel3ca3 ("call me Travis"). They'd see me as their senpai, their superior, and it made sense. I was, really. Except their e-popularity somehow grew higher, and it was probably because I didn't bother to post as much. Now even these names are gone, and the field is basically empty. I can see literally no one I remember from that era. I don't frequent the board, but I think it's in shambles.

Ed Bellis is the type of guy who falls into the tertiary category. I always saw him as being my kyoukai on Board 8, one of those guys who was "younger" than I. He hadn't really "surfaced" until sometime 2005. For awhile he seemed like my type of guy. Then his popularity skyrocketed, and things just changed. He'd never answer my calls. He'd always be hanging out with other girls and said he "wanted some time apart." Well of course I waited faithfully, but he wasted no time at all in getting into multiple other users' pants. It's totally wrong of me, of course, but I feel like he's "sold out." I dunno about him now. I just hope he hasn't died of syphilis.

Speaking of syphilis, there's been an "outbreak" or sorts at my alma mater or something. In the last few weeks there have been lots of stories about STIs. Apparently nine people in the county have been diagnosed with syphilis in the past year, up from an average of one per year in the area. I heard one of my facebook friends from high school was considering transferring here, and my friend quickly made the hilarious joke that she would play an integral role in helping us to boost that figure.

You might be wondering: what the hell is an STI. And you are completely correct. I have no idea when STDs became STIs. It was probably a political correctness thing. I can imagine it now.

Potential employer: So, it looks like your education and past work experience make you perfectly qualified for the job. Is there anything else you'd like to tell us before you begin work on Monday?
HIV victim: I have an STD.
Potential employer: Whoa there! "STD"? Get the hell out!
HIV victim: I'm going to file a lawsuit.

Potential employer: So, it looks like your education and past work experience make you perfectly qualified for the job. Is there anything else you'd like to tell us before you begin work on Monday?
HIV victim: I have an STI.
Potential employer: Whoa there! "STI"? ... wait, what's that?
HIV victim: Stupidly Tacky Initials?
Potential employer: Well, you're fired for lying.
HIV victim: "Fired" is a mean word. I'm going to sue you to force you to change it to "laid off." I also expect severance pay.

Also: augh lost the game.

'''64: [[KleenexTissue50]]'''

On Board 8, deception and romance coexist and propagate one another. KleenexTissue50’s donning of masculine clothing conduces both the intentional romantic bond between her and KleenexTissue50 and unintentional romance surrounding KleenexTissue50. To accept and embrace the resultant situations, a sense of humor becomes essential. Thus, “KleenexTissue50,” connoting both deception and playfulness, is extremely prominent. The events of Board 8 indicate that appreciation of KleenexTissue50 transcends class in determining a character’s romantic and sexual desirability. In both upper class and lower class characters, those with more adept at KleenexTissue50 and more accepting of KleenexTissue50 attain the comedic “happy ending” of marriage within the same class.

This one didn't turn out so well imho.

'''63: [[Kenshin171]]'''

Kenshin171 is one of those users that exemplify quality over quantity. While most of you have no idea who he even is, those of you who do know who he is I have no idea how you'd know about him. However, his username jumped out at me because first of all, it is the surname of the best anime/manga character ever, and secondly, his post didn't seem to be made by a drooling idiot. This was an incredibly welcome surprise to me, when you examine what happens to some of my favorite characters when they go into usernames.

- Psycho Kenshin, who liked Capcom fighting games and Chun Li

- Bigboss981203527. Need I say more?

- HeroicGammaRay, who turned out not even to be a Dizzy fan.

- Link2dapast, who has brilliant trolling ability and no reason to be read and an annoyingly confusing alt

- linkhatesganon, master of the English language and honestly one of the best users ever

- Link ownz, who, after some thorough analysis, appears to be UltimaterializerX (conspiracy theory? more like lucid fact)

- Link the Midgit, infamous for making posts entirely devoid of content and attention-whoring by trying to start anime fads that suck

Kenshin171
Posted 4/12/2008 11:44:11 PM
message detail

Calculus: making the impossible, possible. (That or just screwing with your brain...)
---
The world is made of love and peace-Vash the Stampede
Attack me if you want to taste the floor-Kenshin Himura

In conclusion, if you don't think that's enough qualification, your username is probably 'Crono801' or something.

'''62: [[DSRage_Revived]]'''

There was a time when I judged people on their usernames. In those days, DSRage_Revived would easily have topped this list. But now I'm way deeper than that. I judge people based on plenty of other things now, like how good-looking I visualize them to be in real life. DSRage_Revived, unfortunately, fails horrendously there. I picture him dressed in a really low-cut black sweater with a terrible influx of facial hair and really tight, shiny pink pants. However, the epic win that is his username retains him an extremely respectable position on this list.

One of the beautiful features about DSRage_Revived is his lisp. In my days of online dating, I chatted with him on Skype a few times - disabling webcam, thank-you-very-much - and he would always talk with this incredible lisp. He had a lilting pattern to his voice and it practically drips hot, heavy man-lust. I shan't lie when I say that a weaker man would have succumbed to his seductive web of falsities, but right in the middle of one of our most stimulating sessions, his tongue slipped revealing that he was married. To another man.

To this day, I tell myself that it was just a technique he was trying to use to let me down easy 'cause he wasn't interested. I mean, he was only 15 at the time, after all, and lately he'd started talking about going straight. But his username says it all. He sure revived my DSRage...

'''61: [[Princess Anri]]'''

When Anri first started coming to the board I hated the guy. He didn't fit in anywhere and he seemed to have his own style. He was nice to everyone he met and disliked the word "hardcore." Of course time makes fools of us all, and next thing you know, he's "gettin' cliquey with it" with TheKnightOfNee and KleenexTissue50 and God knows who else and, well, suddenly he was around eighty times worse. He managed to reach a level of suck beyond anything I imagined, especially once he started doing all those Rap Battles. Looking at his username was like sticking my head into the bottom of a vacuum cleaner.

I also blame him for my having a dream about LOST last night, which kept me from going to my freshman writing seminar. In it, Kate was actually less annoying than a common housefly buzzing inside your ear canal when it's infected with Aural Herpes. I think I'm gonna get points deducted from my grade because of oversleeping, and I blame it on Anri 'cause he can hide like a child but he's always a woman to me.

'''60: [[Phoenix Wright]]'''

In high school, a 60 was a D-minus. It was the lowest grade for which credits could be applied from the course toward your graduation requirement, and getting lower than a 60 in a course meant an auto-zero toward your GPA. I heard there was this one pregnant teen at my high school who failed physics with a 58 and was thus unable to graduate. Apparently there was some sort of controversy about how much of a jackass the physics teacher was. I totally agree.

Well, not because he refused to pass her and allow her her diploma, but rather because in my senior year of high school, my physics teacher randomly took points off my term grades. Like, third term, mathematically no matter what you did I had no lower than an 86, and fourth term I had no lower than a 93, and yet somehow, their combined average needed to be something like an 85 in order to bring my final average as low as it somehow was.

Not that it mattered in the end, really. I mean, it's not like I was on any college's waiting list, but it was still a slap to the face that probably hurt about as much as Pearl Fey's slaps.

Oh, which reminds me. I just finished Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Trials and Tribulations. My first- or second-favorite Capcom-made game to date, so ^5s for that. Putting Phoenix Wright on this list is a way of saying thank you for being awesome in three consecutive games!

(also make some new friends - transience? get outta here)

'''59: [[Bokonan_Lives]]'''

He would've been #1 if he hadn't called the Forest Temple a bad location in Ocarina of Time. But srsly guys, he posted 25% of War and Peace in a topic.

Unfortunately you mother****ers let the topic purge. Eternal damnation upon your souls.

'''58: [[Cynosure Legend]]'''

So apparently cynosure is a word. Unfortunately, in the position where it's used in this particular username, it doesn't make sense, since it's in noun form. The correct response is to change 'Cynosure' to Cynosural, but... well, FireFox doesn't recognize 'Cynosural' for some reason. And yet Dictionary.com suggests it. Granted, FireFox doesn't even recognize 'FireFox' and, well, if you're not gonna recognize FireFox you might as well not recognize Cynosural. How'd you like that waxin' philosophical?

Cynosure Legend actually reminds me of Ulti, except he pretends to be cool in real life and on the internet. It's inspiring to see him get whiny about Rap Battles, AIM mafia, and Pokemon and insistently dropping from their respective leagues or related. When he does so, his response never fails to bring up the fact that everyone surrounding him is a nerd with no life and that he could beat up everyone in real life. What a cool cookie he is. Oh, and apparently he's in college. Fortunately I think he goes to school in Canada. Our education system is clearly doing its job.

'''57: [[Anagram]]'''

Today's useless topic is about how annoying it is not to have legit writeups in a Top XXX ____s list. Trust me, I've been through this ordeal many times, an -- holy ****, I said XXX hahahahahahahaha

Anyway Anagram should have an alt called "Anagram B" so that it's an anagram for "Grab a Man."

'''56: [[Applekidjosh]]'''

(2:27:38 AM) Arika-chan: sd2 = pathetique = the guy that made fun of me when I was a newbie and I've harbored a deep hatred for ever since?

Perhaps it makes me masochistic or evil, but I really like it when people harbor deep hatred for me. Vaults them to my favorite people, in fact. Who knows how many more people out there hate me that I don't know?

At this point I'd like to use a sad emoticon, but I am unfortunately unable to do so due to my shift key not working. Ah well.

(2:29:01 AM) Arika-chan: I'll put you on the same level as Ashey up there
(2:29:09 AM) SD2: wat
(2:30:03 AM) Arika-chan: in the "people I talk to in the chat and they're cool here" category, which is totally different from the "people I talk to in the chat AND on B8/TT" group but does NOT necessarily mean you're in the "people I talk to in the chat AND piss me off on B8/TT" group that Ashe USED to be in

This, however, is completely unacceptable. I didn't actually read the wall of text (well, it doesn't look like such a wall now, but it looked like it in a chatroom), but I think I was being compared to Ashe. Alas that AKJ would have been as high as #55, but unfortunately he only peaks at #56. So congratulations to AKJ for making it this high on the internet popularity ladder. Soviet Russia salutes you.

'''55: [[WVI]]'''

WVI’s attitude toward Kat in the film is far less possessive than WVI’s attitude toward Kate in the play, suggesting that the process is not as clean cut as it appears in the play. In the play, when WVI marries Kate, he intentionally disrupts the wedding. He proclaims,
I will be master of what is mine own.
She is my goods, my chattels; she is my house,
My household stuff, my field, my barn,
My horse, my ox, my ass, my anything;
And here she stands, touch her whoever dare.
I’ll bring mine action on the proudest he
That stops my way in Padua. (3.2.229-35)
WVI’s language objectifies Kate, reducing her to his possessions. In addition, he chooses images that evoke farming. Because WVI and all other characters in the play are of middle- to upper-class, the image of farming connotes an older, agricultural-based time period. Thus, WVI’s words echo the Ten Commandments and imbue him with a divine claim to Kate. However, in the film, rather than announcing dominion over Kat, WVI adorns Kate with a song: “You’re just too good to be true / Can’t take my eyes off you / You’d be like heaven to touch / I wanna hold you so much / At long last love has arrived / And I thank God I’m alive.” WVI’s tone deviates significantly from WVI’s. Instead of his possessive attitude, WVI exhibits apparent reverence for Kat. However, during the staging of the scene, WVI descends from above Kat into visibility with the words “love has arrived / And I thank God.” Thus, even while thanking divinity for Kat, WVI situates himself such that he is above her. Also notable is that WVI goes to some financial lengths to orchestrate his singing. WVI’s romantic, personal efforts to woo Kat obscure the work that he puts into it, implying an interpretation that similar planning and work belie WVI’s seemingly thoughtless assertions of his right to Kate.

'''54: [[cardbox]]'''

I'm in college, I did like crap

The words that immortalized a generation of disillusionment and failure. Omitting cardbox would be a blatant affront to humanity and, honest-to-God, I think humanity deserves to live on.

'''53: [[TheKnightOfNee]]'''

for a series so lauded for its humor, i cannot support this popularity so far. TheKnightOfNee's humor ostensibly stems largely from the fact that he is a twenty-two-year-old guy who's never had any experience with women and is a complete pervert. however, this idea is subverted so often with his maturity that it's a complete nuisance when it does occur. it feels like the show undermines TheKnightOfNee's self-control when it makes him this pathetic sex-crazed maniac. like, i understand how it's supposed to be funny, and it could have been were TheKnightOfNee someone like, say, satou from nhk ni youkoso! - but he's not. he's a jacked black belt with good looks and complete courage in himself. he's almost too perfect, which wouldn't be a problem in itself, except the show tries to play off his 'flaws' and tries to make him too much of a vulnerable character. compare to kenshin, where the series is all about how indestructible kenshin is and how he finds his own limits.

we know he's invulnerable. putting him 'in jeopardy' just doesn't work. and trying to play 'faults' seems like a waste of time, knowing TheKnightOfNee's own invulnerability.

'''52: [[Mac Arrowny]]'''

It just recently occurred to me that I don't have nearly enough appreciation for people with completely disgusting fetishes. This has changed. Recently I've been getting into lolicon, bestiality, four-ways, robots, million-year-olds, and major anal. After watching the physical manifestation of the lowering of my IQ - according to my sister, I started sucking my thumb and placed my foot around my neck - I have gained a newfound appreciation for Mac's abysmal taste.

Relatedly, school's ****in' out, and I'm starting work in a few hours *augh* the amount of suck in working at my father's company reminded me of Mac, too. Oh, and also if I'm on the interweb I'll probably further continue this list.

Until then, I want to get off from a Japanese redheaded maid shoving three fingers up my ass. How much better can it get?

'''51: [[Eggplant Lord]]'''

There was once a topic I made in which Eggplant Lord posted. It was a really ****ing long time ago and I can't remember exactly what it was. But since then, I've always liked him. I think it might've had something to do with sheep.

Wait... a sheep seconds game. That was it. You gained the number of sheep equal to the tens digit of your seconds; a zero meant your score reset. It was back in '04 or '05 when I was young and naive and probably writing a fanfiction about SC2K5. OH THE NOSTALGIA.

Anyway then I found out he's like 14 and probably gonna be a math or CS major, so I stopped caring about him.

I should also be long asleep. Forgive the ramblings and rage. I blame mafia and collegehumor's hottest girls contest. And now AUGH I lost the game. This is no longer worth it. Sorry pal.

'''50: [[__Mega64__]]'''

Well, I originally had an original post for Quaarma Hunter written up, but fortunately, he left the board, so I am no longer bound. Instead, I can celebrate with a savior of us all.

LMAO at hijacking the guy's topic. __Mega64__ doesn't even know what the hell he's contributed to the board that's worth two ****s, so __Mega64__ won't miss him. Well, __Mega64__ probably will, because if a topic like that makes him want to leave, imagine the fun __Mega64__'d have had trolling him with stuff that matters.

Also, only reason __Mega64__ can see my top 100 users carrying over today is because opinions of black people carry over in family, like grandpa thinking low of blacks influences his grandson to think the same, and later on that guy's grandson may be influenced today, and so on. You know, like how a lot of children are influenced by their parents' religion. Which... yeah, it goes on, but __Mega64__ doesn't know if that's the main problem, honestly.

If __Mega64__ is wrong, __Mega64__ is sure none of you other whiners wouldn't mind correcting __Mega64__. That is, if you actually have an argument unlike that one coward who's all "LOL you don't have an argument" even though he clearly has nothing. Actually, you can throw Karma Hunter into that pool as well, as he'd rather cry and run away from an argument he doesn't agree with than stand up for himself and fight for what he believes in. This is why he's destined to be a follower in life.

Enjoy your cowardly life, Karma Hunter. Have fun working below active go-getters like __Mega64__, essentially being my slave. Karma Hunter, runs away from a my top 100 users argument which causes him to be a slave in the corporate world. Sure, it isn't quite irony, but it's just as delicious in __Mega64__'s cup.

Goodbye and good riddance, Karma Hunter! The only reason I ever had you this high on the list was because the Clique forced me to! Now I can laugh in your face! Ha! Ha!

'''49: [[Karma Hunter]]'''

You probably don't think I can force this writeup down your throat. Well trust me, I can. All the way. Except I'll hold onto this one little bit at the end. When your stomach starts to digest it, I pull it out, taking your stomach lining with it. Most people it takes about a week to leave the board.

Oh, sorry. I don't actually have anything positive to say to you. I just wanted to take a parting shot at you: ELOQUENCE IS FOR WOMEN. You wanna wrassle on the internet but you never want to get your hands dirty. I'd start rolling up your sleeves.

Are you that bad a user? None of you guys is that bad a user. You were just someone doing his job, trying as hard as the rest of us to gain e-popularity. The difference between you and me is that you compromised...

Karma Hunter was a great man and a great user, but he was also my friend.

'''48: [[Undeniable]]'''

Whenever you think of something unequivocal, you think of Undeniable. Like the fact that this list is Undeniably god, or that whining is Undeniably enjoyable, or that Mark of the Wolves is Undeniably the best fighting game.

Undeniable likes to hang around the FIGHTING GAME CLIQUE and always seems completely inaccessible. You know who else are completely inaccessible? My parents. It's not like they're hard to approach or anything. It's just that, well, they're hard to talk to. I just don't like doing it. They're abrasive and oldfashioned. It's not like they don't care about me! I'm sure they do. After all, they're paying what I can't of my tuition, basically all of it.

Similarly, the FIGHTING GAME CLIQUE kills Nazis. I would probably get shot. That'd suck. Oh, and also, Undeniable was Ash Crimson in Fighting Game Mafia, and while he got himself lynched with no resistance, he prevented DNEA from taking us down many a time. Also, the phrase "Move Sealer" is incredibly delectable, and while he did not come up with it, I still enjoy saying it. "Move Sealer." Say that three times fast. It's easy, but it'll make you think of a huge magical seal, possibly in the shape of a pentagram or the Star of David.

He also likes horny bunnies.

'''47: [[Theo72]]'''

Theo72 is what you might call a 'great' user. You would be utterly wrong to use this designation. Theo72 is, in fact, an 'amazing' user. I am sure that you all remember the numerous contributions Theo72 has made to this board. For example, Theo72 was the first user who alerted me about the ad of the girl climbing into the TV advertising TV.com with the slogan, 'Get more into the shows you're into.'

It was the first time I had ever really paid attention to the girl, and eventually she began showing up everywhere. My AMP also skyrocketed, because I posted in Theo72's topic every time I saw her. This led directly to my proliferation as a user and my seeming ubiquitousness at the moment. Also, it culminated in my procuring Adblock for Firefox and learning how to use it.

Incidentally, I can't remember much else about Theo72. Theo72 is not a very memorable user. His posts are typically links to youtube videos or lyrics to entire songs in SDR topics, on which I have become less and less wont to click. One of his contributions, however is that he plays Garou: Mark of the Wolves and sucks at it. Oh, but he uses Gato, and where would we be without people who use Gato?

Now let's discuss Theo72's ranking on this list. Theo72 is on good terms with The Clique. Therefore, it is a good idea to have Theo72 on this list, because The Clique will view this topic with greater esteem, and I will be more likely to garner their support in user contests. However, since Theo72 objectively is not a very good user, I can't place him within, say, the Top 46. So this time, Theo72 doesn't make the Top 46, but maybe next year he will.

Also, 72 - 47 = 25, and 25 is not only a perfect square but the perfect square of half of the decimal system's counting unit. Slick, ain't it?

'''46: [[kenrmcha]]'''

Talk about emotional investment in the internet. In the oceanic undulations of Board 8, Kenrmcha is a veritable hot spring of passion. His exploits are legendary, his username a sociopathic exorcism of the latent forces of injustice that permeate our society. It would be sinful to omit such a legendary user. Also, he has a great smile.

'''45: [[th3l3fty]]'''

As we get into the mid-40s range, we definitely begin to get into some of the more legendary users of Board 8. So I figured, as the quality goes up, why not include a terrible user or two in the mix, right? th3l3fty is apparently a high school student, though he always seems to be online. He was also described - by the great linkhatesganon - as being more obsessed with e-popularity than, well linkhatesganon. That makes him the only other person of whom I am aware who is more obsessed with e-popularity than linkhatesganon! As such, he is an obvious rival of mine. He is also a member of the Clique, so including him here is great politics. It's this type of forward thinking that makes you augh lost the game **** you ashe.

Anyway, nothing truly memorable out of th3l3fty, just a curious omnipresence. I half-expect him to post right after this writeup is posted, but we wouldn't bet on it.

'''44: [[SpikeDragon]]'''

SpikeDragon is probably very unlikely to read this list, which is a crying shame, because I modeled this list after his! I tried to capture everything about it that makes a list great: the obsessive details about how I got to know each user - 'We were in a user contest' - the nuances of the relationship - 'We were in the same division of a user contest' - and the great moments of them - 'We placed 13th in a user contest!'

Along with this type of chronicling of the users' personality traits, SpikeDragon also tended to give eloquent summaries of each user's character - 'He was nice and he likes soccer. I am nice and I like soccer! I wish I were as great as he.' Ah, yes, the flattery so benevolently doled to one another characterized SpikeDragon. I can relate to this, and I aspire to be it.

Finally, SpikeDragon was a master of the list. With each post he made, you could see how much painstaking effort went into formulating the order, choosing which users to leave off, which positions could be considered snubs, and possible future rankings of users. Oh, it was brilliant. It was controversial, and feelings could have been hurt, but SpikeDragon masterfully maneuvered his way to explain each ranking - 'Maybe next year he'll make the top ten! I am excited!'

Therefore, while I have never personally - nor cyberkinetically - interacted with SpikeDragon, because of the above-listed reasons (and the fact that his username can be abbreviated to SD) I feel like I know him extremely well. Therefore, I wish to rank him upon this list. While I don't feel like I actually know him extremely well, he definitely deserves a high position. But because I don't feel like I actually know him that extremely well, I can't rank him higher than #44. Sorry, SpikeDragon. But if we talk some more on AIM maybe you'll be higher next year! I'll try to get into the same division as you next time. Good luck on breaking the Top 43 for 2009!

'''43: [[Nevest]]'''

It's interesting how time can numb you to boredom. Or GameFAQs. Internet addiction is really weird for me. The enjoyment I derive out of it is almost entirely in cybernetic (note that I spelled it correctly this time - lol cyberkinetic) exchanges, but I simply don't get enough of it. I personally find it extremely disturbing.

Oh hey, they're playing Desperado on the radio right now. Sorry for abandoning this writeup, but it just wouldn't feel right to continue.

But I do find it hilarious that Nevest can't see the word 'blowjob' at work.

'''42: [[SBell0105]]'''

Well, way back when I started making this list, SBell0105 still posted. He was like a version of mr wednesday that didn't reek of idiocy and troll with every post. He also had great taste in TV shows, seemed like he had his life together, and enjoyed socializing and sensationalizing.

He wouldn't crack the top 1000 now. I mean, who the **** just stops posting? Especially after losing his job? If I lost my job, the first thing I'd do would be to increase my usage of the GameFAQs message boards by 1000%. I felt like he had betrayed the deep emotional investment I had made. So uh, **** that! Anger! Yeah!

we miss you SBell0105 come back jeez

'''41: [[MichaelAdamle]]'''

Sess should be higher on this list than 41, but I figured I might as well try to capture his username right now, since he has an annoying tendency to switch usernames every two weeks. I have you now!

I haven't got much to say, but Board 8's Resident Journalist chronicled the reasons why Sess is an A+++ user show some respect yo in my humble opinion to be quite honest laugh out loud haha.

'''40: [[ExThaNemesis]]'''

I am lying on my bed at 2:43 a.m., half-dead, examining my list. And I wonder why the hell some of the people here are on it. ExThaNemesis is just such a user.

Seriously.








Oh yeah, Terry Bogard. Someone needs to MAME it up again.

'''39: [[maplejet]]'''

He's a master of caring about events on the internet, and he's utterly committed to Board 8 and the contests he runs. He has a tendency to get sweaty palms and smell kinda bad when stressed out, but you can tell the dude has good intentions. Also, he has a tendency to pet kittens in his free time, and he knows the American National Anthem ("Yankee Doodle Dandy") by heart at least last I checked. Also he is strangely obsessed with fads and loves rating them and doesn't understand sarcasm unless it is interlaced with "Dude" or exclamation points. Basically like durango.

All of which add to his character. I mean, I can totally relate. My sense of humor's worse than Dane Cook's, and I couldn't tell a joke from a portly Asian woman. It's the people who go through life with the firmly knitted eyebrows and unfounded presuppositions that give Board 8 its punch, and maplejet has got the toughest ass iron eyebrows of the lot.

'''38: [[Cyclo_Reaper]]'''

Cyclo_Reaper epitomizes the month of July. Lazy, hot, and wet. Doesn't it ever feel like life is accelerating positively and inexorably? It's not content merely to move at a fast pace, but it insists on going by faster every year. For example, 1998, the year that I turned 3, took approximately forty million decades to complete, many of them spent with feces plastered to my rear end. 2006, in contrast, took about thirty-six seconds, of which I spent approximately twenty-three on GameFAQs and the remainder on trying to work up the gall to kiss the girl I liked. But now we are diving into the realm of heterosexual relationships, and this writeup is supposed to be about someone who does not engage in heterosexual relationships, so I think that we've gone very far off topic. So we'll return to the relevant metaphor about Cyclo_Reaper being July. He sweats a lot, doesn't go to school, and lives in Florida. His drew inspiration for his username from Marvel Comics. For comparative purposes, July got its name from the decisions of a Roman emperor. While the resultant name of July actually derived from the last leader of the Roman Republic, I think that the similarity is apparent. Also Cyclo_Reaper liked Spider-Man 3, which wouldn't be a big deal if he hadn't claimed it every bit as good as the previous Spider-Man movies. I'm all for sexual deviance (as I am a staunch heteronormalist and an appalling bigot) but when you start making goddamn false claims, well sorry, son, you climb no higher than #38 on this list.

Oh, I forgot to mention the Ryoko thing. Oh well. Say, do you remember the episode of Dragon Ball Z "Goku is Ginyu and Ginyu is Goku"? Well, the connection here is obviously relevant. Also relevant is the episode "Stop Vegeta Now!!"

'''37: [[azazel22]]'''

I remember in my senior year of high school, in one final desperate attempt to get into college, I joined my school's allegedly prestigious Academic Decathlon team. The coach of it was a senior AP English teacher, and though I was taking AP English, he was not my teacher. I instead had the woman who'd taught my junior year British Literature, and I felt cheated. Of course, as the year went on, I grew to love my teacher more and more, and I'll never regret not having my Acadec coach as a teacher. Note that "Acadec" is an abbreviation that you will never hear a student with a social life utter in most high schools.

Anyway, the point of this anecdote is that my Acadec coach once confided in me that all of the world's problems would be solved if everyone drove a sedan. While not that dramatic, I feel like azazel22 has taken steps to make that a reality. He was a key figure in the 2005 congressional bill to pass stricter regulations on gas efficiency in vehicles, and hopefully azazel22's crusade will eventually lead us to a standard of $15000 cars that will get 45 miles per gallon.

Hopefully.

'''36: [[StealThisSheen]]'''

I used to like StealThisSheen for his SlightlyEroticPidgeon username and his Pokemon Red playthrough topic. Nowadays he enjoys posting in topics and pretending to invite users for sex, often with asterisks to denote an action. For example, he might enter a topic and post, *sexes everyone in this topic*. This is considered extremely funny, and by replacing the typically accepted first-person pronoun with the proper noun "The SEP," he propagates a hilarious way for everyone to learn his username. He's also done a "Rate This Chick" topic around seven times, and each time he opens with the same unattractive cheerleader. I think her name is Ginger. It's awesome.

Honestly, he's one of the most best users on the board these days, and I can't believe it took me this long to add him to my Hall of Fame consisting of 36ish users. But now that he's there, I might never again be able to read his posts. With this account, at least.

'''35: [[Ex2 DstylezAdvanced]]'''

Ex2 DstylezAdvanced is an important contributor to the board and plays Garou: Mark of the Wolves. If you would like to be on this list, please download MAME32k, a free arcade emulator, and legally obtain a version of Garou: Mark of the Wolves compatible with MAME32k and play me on a Kaillera server. Should you need assistance, feel free to contact me. If your computer is incapable of running MAME32k, I recommend death by asphyxiation.

Ex2 DstylezAdvanced is also notable for his username, which is completely asymmetrical, imbalanced, and for all intents and purposes, absolutely abysmal. It also takes up two lines if you view message in the little column to the left, which is awkward. But it's the only way to view messages now, you know? I miss GameFAQs the way it was back in the '90s, back when I was young, spry, and twenty-one, when you typed your text in Courier New font, the backgrounds were purple and blue, and your commands (user, board list, post new message) were in massive white links that turned red if you moved your cursor over them. Message detail was much more compact in those days, and when you got modded, you saw "This message was deleted by a GameFAQs moderator" instead of this "at the request of a moderator/administrator" BS.

Ex2 DstylezAdvanced has also tried to convince me to play Phantasy Star Online, but as I've mentioned, my computer is only good enough to play Garou: Mark of the Wolves. Also, say Ex2 DstylezAdvanced thirteen times fast.

'''34: [[meisnewbie]]'''

The great thing about meisnewbie is his clarity. I've never once seen an ambiguous, incomprehensible, or nonsensical post from him. Every time he posts, it brings me great understanding. Unfortunately, most of the time that understanding has something to do with the fact that there are, in fact, worse games than Tsukihime out there, and that some people actually play them.

Since then, I've stopped listening to his bombastic logic and pretended not to speak the same language so that he would stop recommending Fate/Stay Night to me. Don't let him know that I told you this.

'''33: [[Achromatic]]'''

Every time I look at Achromatic's username, I want to sneeze. Not only does it look like 'Achoo,' it also has an unsightly conglomeration of consonants together that just looks stuff. Plus it's a conglomeration, and let's be honest. When you think of something being conglomerated, you think it's your nose. And when your nose gets conglomerated, you pick at it ferociously with the tip of your right index finger and, if you can force it in, your right thumb. When you get a really good grip, you then yank it out, sometimes taking a few nosehairs with it. The best is when it comes clean out. The relief is incredible, though the yanking process usually leaves a bit of itching, at which point you let out an incredibly satisfying sneeze. Usually you cover your mouth, though this can make the process a bit anticlimactic, since you tend to end up with some phlegm on your hand. But wiping a little phlegm onto your pants is a small price to pay for such extraordinary pleasure.

Speaking of extraordinary pleasure, have you noticed that taking a really badly needed piss feels better than orgasm? Just a thought.

Anyway, Chris was the first guy I knew on Board 8. I met him by playing Pokemon. Haven't battled online in ages now, but it was fun while it lasted. The next time I encountered the fellow, he was leading lynches on townies in mafia. 'Hey,' I thought, 'That's exactly like what I do! We must be brothers or something!' It turns out that we weren't actually brothers, but we nonetheless played some mafia together, during which time he showed that he was indeed capable of intelligence, albeit not of applying said intelligence to an actual mafia game.

Chris is overwhelmingly narcissistic, and if he weren't, he'd be like everyone else on this list. Boring and higher ranked.

'''32: [[sonicblastpunch]]'''

Originally, I was gonna have sonicblastpunch as #1, but then I realized that I'd probably never reach #1, so I decided to put sonicblastpunch here as my last entry.

The first type of sonicblastpunch's that I saw was a challenge to Amazing Telephone. I'm not sure why, but the guy's got a fixation on Amazing Telephone similar to the fixation most guys have on Jessica Alba. Speaking of which, she got pregnant some time back, right? I've always wondered what it was like to be the son or daughter of a really juiced mother. Like, when you get old enough to have a GameFAQs account, your mom's probably out there getting more action in a week than you will in the next ten years. If you're a guy, it means major Oedipus problems, and if you're a girl, major inferiority complex. Of course, if you don't consider an Oedipus complex a 'problem' and if you're a girl willing to experiment, then I suppose you could spin it so that you win. As long as you can seduce your mom.

Beyond knocking up his mom, though, sonicblastpunch offered a humorous outlook on everything. He writes all of his posts are in that defiant, death-to-the-capital-letter school of grammar that has influenced me so in recent times of bad economic outlooks and mafia-induced losses at the Game. He was excellent in the rap battles, and he brings a devil-may-care attitude into every topic he enters. Granted, those of us who enjoy Serious Business may find contending with him difficult, but we can usually find less wit and more idiocy in Smurf topics if we're suffering from sonicblastpunch overdose.

Because I pay close attention to user lists and internet popularity, I am aware that in recent months, sonicblastpunch has beaten Amazing Telephone on an extremely important Board 8 Top 100 Users list. As of this event, sonicblastpunch's e-popularity has climaxed, and with his battle laid to rest, who knows if he'll ever be the same? The vengeful quests, the venomous products of the endocrine system, the fear of God. The man, the legend, the myth. The hyperbole, the hyperbola, the parabola. The rhyme, the reason, the raving, the ranting, the roosters.

When I first started seeing the abbreviation 'sbp,' I thought of SEP. This was amusing, because while sonicblastpunch is possibly one of the best users on this board - he was going to be #1 but I moved him down below 31 other posters - I initially associated with one of the most unoriginal pieces of trash I've had the pleasure of ignoring. But over time, I've come to appreciate a new era. I think? This writeup started going downhill when I mentioned Jessica Alba, so it's probably just about to walk off the edge of the world and die now.

'''31: [[LordOfDabu]]'''

He's a math major, he's got a LiveJournal, and he's fairly renowned on the interwebs for being a genius at StarCraft. And he's a mod, and he likes Crono. I've always kinda wanted to get to know Dabu, since he's the badass, competent dude. The result, of course, is that everyone else wants to know him, too, and I wind up just going **** it and talking to Ashe instead.

On Board 8, the most interesting thing Dabu does is describe his life as a grad student. A lot of the users here are college-aged or already at full time jobs. I see very few posters in graduate school and none who talk about being TAs. Dabu's posts are an awesome insight into what might actually go on in the world of academia, where I just may be headed in coming years.

Of course, Dabu would be about as interesting as Bill 'Legacy' Clinton's administration's policies on the minimum allowed size of holes in Swiss cheese if it weren't for his overpowered alterego. Beneath the portly appearance of a gamer who likes his differential geometry with a side of bacon is a dangerous fascist agent of the Church of Scientology. Representing warm beer and men with tight asses who eat babies all around the world, Dabu destroys and pillages cities, committing attrocities that make Genghis Khan look like the Yellow Teletubby. He does so of course under the guise of the name that has since become synonymous with terrorism: Frank Stallone.

I'd love to see Dabu post more, but whenever he does, it's a good post, so I'm satisfied with that.

'''30: [[PartOfYourWorld]]'''

One of the earliest forms of sport was Classical Greek Boxing. Two slaves would be forced to sit facing one another with spiked knuckles and punch each other until one of them died. Needless to say, this was entirely awesome. Like just about every other form of entertainment that the Ancient Greeks had, this is illegal. This makes sense. Our society has basically outlawed anything that could have been considered awesome about the Ancient Greeks. For example, we're not allowed to keep slaves anymore. Also, we have to allow women to vote. And for some reason molesting thirteen-year-old males isn't acceptable anymore.

That's what makes Al Gore so great for inventing the internet. On the internet, you're allowed to indulge in all of these great Ancient Greek traditions. PartOfYourWorld exemplifies the utility of the internet. While it took me a little bit longer than it took the Ancient Greeks, I used the internet to play Super Smash Bros. Brawl with PartOfYourWorld until he was no longer even capable of playing anymore, but I kept beating him until he no longer existed at all, except in the form of a small notice at the bottom of the message list informing me about some sort of user(s).

Another thing for which I know PartOfYourWorld is his fetish for applying his most flexible muscle to the anal cavities of members of the fairer sex. He has attempted to make himself into a sex slave for hire on the internet. While he was unsuccessful in this, at least he was not arrested for it. In addition to this, he motions strongly for pedophilia with his endorsement of Disney princesses, most of whom are depicted as being clearly under the age of fifteen, as acceptable sexual objects. Again, all of this would be unacceptable in modern society, but the influence of the Ancient Greeks is strong and evident within PartOfYourWorld, and the internet is a great vessel for that.

Truly a Spartan among Plebeians.

'''29: [[Silencer S]]'''

Silencer S is by all objective standards the greatest human being ever to prowl the internet. He is perhaps one of the most influential on me, personally. In the wee old days of 2002, I would never have used such a wide variety of abbreviations. My favorite are ^5s, Gamer Friends, and IMHO. While I didn't pick up these elements of grandeur immediately, they laid the foundation for TBQH, which I now apply liberally, along with everything else that this great man has taught me.

I find it necessary to mention that Silencer's sig is reliably awesome. He had a badass Warhammer 40K quote as well as Goethe's quote about how knowledge must be applied and action willed and done. Even while exuding manliness, he is able to rise above the stereotypes of his sex by recognizing the greatness and superiority of others. This humility is a trait found in the samurai, and as Every Anime Fan Knows, that is Majorly Badass.

So why isn't he higher on this list? He likes Kobe Bryant. Drops him 28 spots to a respectable 29th. You were so close, Silencer. But you went the way of Kurt Cobain.

'''28: [[WarThaNemesis2]]'''

WarThaNemesis2 and I have had a rocky relationship. It all started out this one time at band camp. It was my sophomore year and his junior year, and we were shooting the breeze, talking about booze and women in the deepest, most powerful voices we could muster without voice cracks. This was supposed to impress women, according to WarThaNemesis2. I was young and impressionable then, but I remember it like yesterday - how long ago was it now, fifteen, twenty years? I just remember that tight jeans on guys were in then. We'd be standing there, sweating in our thick parade dress, but when those oh-so-sexy color guard girls walked by, we'd pull down the pants of our band uniforms just enough to show them that our jeans were hugging our asses tighter than spandex.

Times would have been like that forever, but like all good things they came to an end. And unfortunately, this came to an end in the worst way: herpes. Yes, in time, our success with women bored us and we turned to sodomy and buggery. Our passionate fires lasted us from 1995 to 1999, the best years we had, but the relationship began to wither afterward. I had to work longer days, and women tempted me on the job. He took up a night shift because we didn't receive couples' tax benefits since our state didn't recognize us as a civil union. Things were really bad. It was on the night that we saw The Matrix, during a cold, passionless session of fellatio that I began to feel the disease in my mouth.

Indeed, dread filled us both; I, realizing that my trust had been betrayed, and he, realizing that the facade we had heretofore maintained was thus shattered. We fought each other tooth and nail, leaving various scratch marks on one another's chests. I still have the emotional and physical scars from that fateful day. But we made up. After five years of not talking to each other, we met again on craigslist. Neither of us had touched another man during that time. We haven't gotten back together, but since then, we talk on Skype everyday, on Stickam, and on private boards. Last Christmas we even exchanged pics. I try to keep my whirlwind affair private now, but I feel like the truth ought to come out now.

'''27: [[Dorobou]]'''

A blustering idiot from a manuscript generated by a bunch of monkeys once said that brevity is the soul of wit. Therefore, in effort to emulate Dorobou, I will ensure that there is no brevity to be found here.

A veritable detestation for all of humankind, sanity, taste, and truth resonates from an unlawful permeation of the fires of passion within his soul! While his words may prove as full and ill-devised as that ka which lurks in his heart, the forementioned in our situation demonstrates its veritable worth as exceeding the power of even the manliest and curtest of words. Indeed, it appears that his virtues greatly exceed the brief occupancy with which I once deemed to praise him. Alas, poor Dorobou! I knew him. Emulation be damned, I am shifting to the second person and being blunt.

In more innocent times, this one was more naive. This one thought that you were the Greatest Evil due to your acerbic taste. Dislike for The Legend of Zelda? You were nothing but a blight on mankind! You asserted your opinion as unyielding fact and you made great guise in casting disdain upon those who ventured even slight disagreement. In fact, this one felt then that elitism, which seeped from your pores like cliches from a cookie cutter. Unapproachable. Inhuman.

Come to think of it, I've had this writeup saved for around six months, and I'm not sure why. It's nothing special. So here it is. I think I always intended to follow through in my ridiciulously wordy tone and make this some sort of epic writeup, but it just didn't happen. As you can see, my desire to write has since significantly diminished. Enjoy the pasta.

'''26: [[MichaelWClark]]'''

What is there to say about MichaelWClark that hasn't been said better before? The answer is: nothing.

'''25: [[SythaWarrior]]'''

Sytha's here because he's basically an inferior version of FrostHarpy. But given how amazing FrostHarpy is, being an inferior version to him is like being a smarter version of Ulti - it doesn't say much. Which brings to question why I'm even bringing this up. These are deep questions that I'd rather not ponder at this hour of the morning.

Have you guys noticed that 'Guilty Gear' sounds like a fetish brand? If I had a time mention, I'd go back in time and create a line of black leather whips, thongs, and handcuffs and call it that. Sytha would probably cease to exist in this world, but like I said, we've always got FrostHarpy.

'''24: [[GrapefruitKing]]'''

He introduced me to the Ignore feature some time ago. It's refreshing to notice when a guy's most noticeable contributions are ~~RATE IT!~~ and Baby Kart Yay or nay? Threads like these are absolutely amazing and really give the board their spirit. Also, he's from Brazil, which is a great country except for the fact that it produced GrapefruitKing and for the fact that no one speaks Brazilian in it.

'''23: [[Mozzezz]]'''

If I had to compare Mozzezz to a furry animal, he would be a wolf. Ever since first laying eyes upon the boy I took to him. He brings a casual, level-headed degree of dissonance to the mindless sheep around him baaing in assent. His ingenuity, of course, has been the target of many baseless accusations about the illegibility of his typing style and the fact that he uses the abbreviation 'ur' when he means to say 'you're.' This is completely untrue. Mozzezz uses 'u're' when he means to say 'you're.'

Okay, so from reading the above statements, you may be convinced Mozzezz is a terrible user. However, we must consider the circumstances; Mozzezz is a fascinating psychological case, perhaps more interesting than Holden Caulfield and only 67% as likely to make you want to gouge your eyes out after reading his dialogue. He has that unique ability in that his circumstances are terrible that the result makes you want to bring immense physical bodily pain to yourself. He also has a predator complex, not unlike that of Abraham Lincoln.

Based on the above dissertation of his character, I believe I have sufficiently pitched the case that Mozzezz is going to be a great rock musician when he is old enough to use GameFAQs.

'''22: [[SHINE GET 64]]'''

No user list is complete without SHINE GET 64, and I'll be damned if my user list isn't complete.

Essentially I like SHINE because he's a motivated white guy who disciplines himself to wake up early Monday mornings so he can post about Wiiware on GameFAQs and make pictures of Kobe Bryant and Jack Bauer. This year I'm hoping he adds Kenshiro to the mix, and if he doesn't I just may have to close my account.

'''21: [[pikaness]]'''

Pikaness changed my faith.

No, don't laugh. I was once a highly devout Christian who listened to everything that the Church said without hesitation. I hated my own libido. I didn't drink alcohol. I sympathized with SDR. I wore goth clothing with bloody crosses, skulls and crossbones, and the words 'DON'T **** WITH JESUS' on them.

But pikaness opened my eyes. She showed me that there was love in life and power in science. What I once took for divine force, I realized, was in fact random selection and evolutionary crises. Besides showing me convincing photoshopped images of fossils that debunked my ideas of the Earth being 1892 years old, she also took me to Rome, where I noticed that for a guy chosen by God to lead the world, the Pope sure had a lot of nostril hair untrimmed.

While these factors were powerful, however, nothing was more shattering to my ideals than the natural selection that took place right in front of my eyes. Pikaness would, using a series of masculine posts and emoticons, destroy the weaker of the dominant, superior sex, one by one. A series of unfortunate users has crumbled before her will, leaving pale, teenaged male corpses lying around, usually with suicide notes that read 'Strangling myself with the cord of my mouse is harder than I thought, especially since it happens to be cordless.'

But I did not fall. Pikaness's wicked womanly charms did not work on me, and therefore I know that natural selection worked over Creationism and Christianity is dead wrong. Thank God for sending us pikaness and opening my eyes.

'''20: [[Mumei]]'''

If you need any more proof that I have rejected my past prejudices, look no further than #20 on my list. While I've lynched my fair share of guys like him, I've stayed far away from Mumei. Indeed, I've accumulated an incredible amount of tolerance. In fact, when my parents confronted me about talking to someone like 'him' on the internet, I told them that I had quit the hate crime business. No longer would I terrorize people because they were different for me due to circumstances out of my control.

Mumei himself played an integral role in this. When he and I first talked over a cup of coffee in Provincetown, he described himself as atheist, liberal, and passionate. Not once did he mention his true nature, the one that would have defined him in my eyes, and he didn't tell me about it either. We became deeper friends than I knew, and before I could consider things, I'd spilled my entire heart to him and taken his into my own. His revelation was crushing, and it brought my inner saviors crashing to their proverbial knees, though they were probably already praying for some reason, so I guess it brought their foreheads to their crotches or something, but that's an unpleasant image, and I don't think most guys are that flexible unless they're pretty wild with themselves, like Marilyn Manson, about whom I heard a rumor in third grade that he'd removed two of his ribs to facilitate self-fellatio.

But yeah, then he came out with it and shattered my faith and stuff. Our friendship took a hit and we haven't quite been the same, but what's important is how he's changed my views.

I will never hate another Greek man.

'''19: [[Kloggmonkey]]'''

...

Alright, I'm sorry, I have no idea who the hell this guy is, much less what he's doing on my list. Apologies to Lady Ashe, who narrowly missed the cut for this.

'''18: [[NoobPwn3rBillio]]'''

Billio's awesome, and I've never understood the complains that he's abrasive.

'Abrasive' isn't quite the right word to describe NoobPwn3rBillio. He's about as abrasive as Pampers Diapers, which are apparently being replaced. Ugh. I haven't worn a non-Pampers brand of diaper since I was eleven or so when I first made my account on GameFAQs (I'M FIFTEEN NOW MODS SO SUCK IT).

Have you guys listened to the Phoenix Wright Musical? I wouldn't mind seeing it staged. Then again, I wouldn't mind it if transience dug up his cat's corpse and ate it, so I guess I'm not in a position to talk.

'''17: [[gotspork]]'''

I saw a shirt the other day that said 'got pork?' on it. I pointed it out to my girlfriend. She gave me the 'umm, okay' that she likes to do when we're in public and I do something she considers uncool, like do a barrel roll or make the Ocelot hand gesture. I'm not worried, though. I know that she has Haruhi Suzumiya pajamas.

As for gotspork, she's really only on this list so that I'll gain more e-popularity. I don't know anything about her except that she looks approximately sixty years old, so I'm hoping that it'll earn me some points from transience, neonreaper, etc.

[[Category:User Projects]]